Week 2, The Drama

The Situation: The Nudey Pics

How Dramatic Was It? It was way, way less dramatic than it should have been. Seriously, Andi should have left the show. Look, i'm not exactly the best women's right activist in the world (case in point, I had to google whether it was women's or womens' because I have legitimately never written that combination of words...though that may say more about me as a grammarian...), but this whole scenario was such a disgusting display of objectification of women, that even my lady hackles (they wear stilettos and inhale each new issue of US Weekly...see I'm terrible, guys) were raised.  Leaving aside for the moment the truly terrible fact that they assigned the naked shots to the federal prosecutor and the first grade teacher - the two ladies to whom stripping is the least well-suited - let's just look at the sheer ridiculousness of including a naked Top Model every year. But these girls have jobs (mostly...sort of).  They're not trying to be professional models (you know, at least now right at the moment). They're just trying to date some guy. And they should be allowed to get naked in front of him on their own (or at least on Christ Harrison's fantasy suite invite date card's) terms. 2) It is a Humane Society calendar. I'm a little shaky on my psychology, but since we're talking about dogs, i'm pretty sure Pavlov's famous conditioning experiments involved a bell, saliva, and food. I don't remember anything about boobs and/or the euthanasia of the poor pooches. 3) It's not necessarily worth it just because you save a dog. I get the gall of challenging Kelly on this when she is, in fact, a dog lover by profession, and I do have a rescue dog who I am rather disgustingly fond of; however, there's a cost-benefit analysis to this whole thing that I'm just not sure Kelly necessarily ran. For example, if one of Elise's students turns to a life of prostitution or if one of Andi's convictions murders her in a labia-induced obsessive rage, is it really worth it?  It's a value judgement, to be sure, and I'm only an amateur dog lover by trade (I just don't have the discipline to mkae it on the professional circuit), but I would say probably not.

Naked and Not Complaining:
A Role Model for Young Girls Everywhere

shoot in the first place.  The facts are these: 1) These girls are (mostly) not paid or aspiring models. Look, we all know this scenario is right out of the Tyra Banks Perverse Incentives playbook. I'm pretty sure this same situation literally happens on

Who's to Blame? The Producers. I've already expressed my dissatisfaction with Juan Pablo's reaction to the whole thing, but clearly the Producers had this heinous situation tailor made (by a crazy-eyed, fake-accent-love tailor who parlayed her love of putting girls into these types of situations into a Harvard MBA).


The Situation: Cassandra's Mini Meltdown

How Dramatic Was It? Not dramatic at all. This happens every year where one of the contestant has a bit of a freakout upon realizing that she's risking a whole lot on a bet she's almost certainly not going to win. There's very little excitement to be had when watching someone realize they've miscalculated on their pretty straightforward math problem (you forgot to carry the one, Cassandra!)

Who's to Blame? Cassandra. I just assume that anyone willing to go on a reality show is also willing to watch it. Because seriously, Cassandra, this is pretty much how this show always works.


The Situation: Victoria's Not-so-Mini Meltdown

How Dramatic Was It? The dramatic-est. We've already devoted a lot of time to this, but I'm pretty sure Shonda Rhimes is in the process of writing an episode of Grey's Anatomy featuring this very situation as we speak.

Who's to Blame? Victoria? Society? The French for Inventing such a Delicious Beverage? A woman can't reach such great heights of lunacy without a little help from her friends (I've graduated from mixing metaphors to mixing song lyrics...or maybe I've regressed?). I'm just glad she chose to make friends with a bottle of Andre.


The Situation: Juan Pablo's Commercial with the Yellow M&M

How Dramatic Was It? The commercial itself included very little drama, but the scene when Red found out Yellow was making commercials without him...?  Suffice it to say it will make for a very interesting and very intense spotlight feature on the Women Tell All.

Who's to Blame? It's easy to blame Yellow, but truth be told Red has been very distant recently. Yellow is a living, feeling man M&M! He's got needs!


The Situation: The Final Rose

How Dramatic Was It? So dramatic that I've completely forgot who it went to.

Who's to Blame? I don't know, but I feel like I can't wrap up on blogging for the week without at least commenting on Amy L. interview nonsense. It was the worst.  That is all.