Why She'll be Great:
Look, when Kelly gets home, she's already going to have a creamy, 100 thread-count invitation, hand-embossed with Chris Harrison's coat-of-arms (a hunter green stag silhouetted against a background made of slate grey manliness) to join this summer's Bachelor Pad (interesting, the similarities between this process and a junior cotillion) waiting for her. She's the classic Jacklyn or Nick-type player who forges virtually no connection with the Bachelor (which - seriously - connections are about as hard to come by on this show as information on Jesus and his plans for and attitude toward saving you on the sidewalk outside virtually any metro), but parlays a few acerbic sound bites into a Bachelor Pad career that will live in infamy. It takes a special kind of lady to accuse another girl of trying too hard after she, herself literally hides behind her hands rather than let a man see her with no makeup, to call a girl a whore for riding on the shoulders of a guy who is actually dating 16 other girls. But Kelly is just that kind of special which is why I think we're all pretty excited to see her on Bachelor Pad, Season 4.
Why She Won't Be:
If Kelly goes on Bachelor Pad, there's pretty much no way she'll make it through without something terrible happening to Molly. Either someone will give the poor pup tequila shots or she'll undergo a dramatic spaniel breakdown after learning Chris Bukowski it hooking up with both her and Kelly.
Best Event:
Kelly learned us all this week that she is not athletic (Gotta love girls who say "Look at me. Do I look athletic?" and really mean., "Look at me - because I'm super skinny." And by "love," I mean burst a blood vessel in my cornea after over-vigorous eye rolling at), but she's sure to prove her mettle on any event that involves a test of wit. I'm thinking a Bachelor Pad-style biathlon that includes roller-cross-country skiing between pool-adjacent planters while firing verbal word volleys at vulnerable human targets with her truth gun.
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