Week 2, The Guy

So, normally, by this point in the show, I like to have a CIA-grade dossier on the season's hapless star just Bachelor), as a matter of responsible blogging, but really, they're still giving us very little to go on when it comes to Juan Pablo. Perhaps it's because I've been irresponsibly skipping the Sunday night specials to do things like "read a book" or "better humanity" (here, defined as staring at a wall while resolutely reaffirming I will not watch any morebut I still am rather hard-pressed to describe him using nay words beyond some amalgamation of "Venezuelan," "Father," and "Soccer," but I did pick up just a few more tidbits in this week's episodes, including:


Juan Pablo has been taught about Active Listening.
  With a capital "a" and a capital "L" because this boy is basically modelling the skill as if he was in a court-mandated conflict resolution session. Seriously, it's almost distracting the way in which he very deliberately nods or interjects an "mmmhmmm" or "I understand" (and I apologize in advance for flagging this because I dare you to watch without noticing this now that I've pointed it out). On the one hand, it's nice not to have to put up with another season of the tragedy boner ("I'll just wait for you outside" are not the words of a man who is thrilled by ladies crying), but on the other hand, it seems very likely that someone took him aside and said, 'Look, Buddy. If you give each woman the same blank stare you favored on Des' season, people are going to suspect you're not really in it to find a wife." (I hope it was Camila because that would be adorable, but, let's face it, it was probably someone much more depressing like Chris Harrison or his best friend of 30 minutes, Sean Lowe).

Juan Pablo is a different kind of Bachelor.
So part of this, I'm sure, is the editor's fault, but so far it seems Juan Pablo is taking the women on slightly different kinds of dates. Mostly, it seems, the key difference is that these dates don't actually seem to feature any kind of food, but it should not be overlooked that he also managed to take poor Kat on a date where it was actually physically difficult to do any kind of talking. Now, I know that there's plenty going on that's happening off screen (because there has to be, right?  Six stilted conversations do not a betrothal make!), but I do really like envisioning Juan Pablo giving some directions on the kind of dates that he would like, saying something along the lines of "Let's skip dinner. And take all that repelling and watching the sunset with a picnic and champagne nonsense off the table. Just get rid of anything that stands in the way of women pressing up against me with their half-naked bodies." (Juan Pablo, let it be known, has a very similar conversational patter to my internal monologue. Clearly.)

Because Juan Pablo is different, I'm different.

Is this the face of a man who needs any additional fodder for creepiness?

Sorry guys. I just wanted to write something even approaching the ludicrousness of Clare saying she's never felt so alive because of a man.  Despite my homage, I really haven't changed. I still enjoy being judgmental, making long-winded and irrelevant asides, and yelling at my husband for never taking me to a wintery wonderland made of fake snow (the fact that we get real snow from time to time doesn't really feel like a valid argument). But I do think that because I have no illusions about pure motives or decent person-hood as I might with, say, Ben or Sean, my capacity for disappointment in Juan Pablo is certainly lower. When he told Andi she didn't have to feel uncomfortable getting naked because it was "for a good cause" and because he would do it too rather than - oh, I don't know - telling her it was no big deal and the shouldn't do anything she felt uncomfortable with, I still yelled at my TV. But I did it with less conviction, less vehemence, less scaring-any-small-children-who-happened-to-be-walking-by-as-I-watched-the-show-into-never-trick-or-treating-at-my-house-itude than I might have done in years past.