Like in every country in the world, it is very common in Germany to be forced into a dating scenario with three participants in which you bear very limited affection for either man and will send one packing in a limo of embarrassment by the end of the night, all while reserving that particular torment for the other man in just a few nights hence. But before we all buy our tickets to Disneyworld and start queuing up to get "It's a Small World" stuck indelibly in our heads, let's take just a few moments to break down a particular Zweinacheinstelldichenmitabsotbendmensch, Desiree's date with Ben and Michael G.
Now, if I'm being honest, I had long come to terms with the fact that this formulaic, predictable show could no longer surprise me, but that's exactly what this date did (also known as schockenschtupen in the German I just made up). I expected Michael G. to take Des aside and whisper in low tones of concern the same faintly damning evidence that we've all been treated to him whining about over the past couple of weeks. I expected Des to thank him for his concern, and to agonize about it in the packaged interview and perhaps for one particularly picturesque prolonged moment against the backdrop of the Rhine River and a waxing gibbous moon (and for the record, I'm too pleased with myself for knowing the name of a river in Germany to look up whether in flows through Munich or what, in fact, a waxing gibbous moon is). I did not expect Michael to go into full Perry Mason mode (you know, if Perry Mason was a whiny Federal prosecutor who fought the good fight again sinister people who dared take reality TV into their own hands and use it for, gasp, fame. Also if Perry Mason was about to lose his very serious job for his series of poor decisions and general buffoonery on national TV). 
On the one hand, I'd like to laud Michael for actually addressing a problem head on rather than running sniveling to Desiree or continuing to spread pernicious gossip behind Ben's back. But on the other hand, well, he was just such an ass. From the hypocrisy of calling Ben out on his politician-like answers and on being a know-it-all, to the smug way in which he would chow down on his food after dropping a shrapnel-laden truth bomb in the middle of the dinner table, Michael attacked Ben for issues that either shouldn't matter or that Michael had no way of knowing the truth behind. He may have saved Desiree from a horrible marriage to a drink-schilling absentee father, but I'm not sure he really convinced the rest of up with anything approaching, you know, proof. And I for one certainly didn't enjoy watching him rest his case while chewing with his mouth open while poor Ben repeatedly sputtering "Good Christian" in the background.
Similarly, on the one hand, I'd like to give Desiree for sending home the guy that everyone in the house hated. Even if I don't quite believe the "Ben is evil" hype, at the very least it saves us from four more weeks of manufactured tension. But on the other hand, I can't believe Des would have sent Ben packing if she had been in any way into him personally (so selfish of her not to make her decisions with the television audience in mind. But then again, I guess Chris Harrison needs something to do besides press his suits and wistfully draw new variations on paisley), and I can't stomach that fact that she let Michael, the dick, go virtually unchecked (I thought the words "Just because you go to church doesn't mean you're close with God" sounded like a particularly pointed death knell for him, but apparently she was just quoting something she read on a bumper sticker one time). And ultimately, most importantly, I just can't give her any credit after her heinously awkward fake polar bear plunge. I'm sorry, Desiree, but we've seen you take a crack at a couple of them now, and pranks just aren't really your thing. It's okay, you have autograph signing in malls across the country to look forward to. You don't need any other special skills.
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