Episode 3, The "I love you" Lie (Brandon)

The "I love you" lie is a lie told be every person who makes it to a certain point on The Bachelor (even Chris Harrison is required to tell a slightly modified "I love being here" version). The "I love you" lie can mean many things. I can mean "I'd love to make it to the next round" or "I'd love to go to the fantasy suite with you" or "I'd love to not be the guy who Chris Harrison chastises for 'holding back' during my hot seat time on The Men Tell All." Increasingly, it seems to mean "I'd love to have another music-swelling, tear-inspiring on-screen moment like we had last week when I told you I was falling in love with you (and the week before that when I said I maybe, might be falling for you)." There's even a small chance that it means "I'm really rather fond of you, and if you'd be willing to stop dating those five other guys, we could maybe give this whole love thing a shot."

But with Brandon, the "I love you" was an entirely different kind of lie, a much sadder kind of lie. It was a lie that sprang forth from the same kind of deep-seated abandonment issues we watched AhsLee struggle so hard to overcome last season (and with such comprehensive play-by-play commentary). It was a lie that made me a little disappointed in ABCs casting team for allowing someone who was 7 parts damage and 0 parts douchebag to make it onto the show. And it was a lie that made me want to launch a kickstarter campaign to pay for Brandon's therapy.

But hey, now we just have one more reason to look forward to next summer's Bachelor Pad. By they, a twice spurned, crazy-eyed AshLee should be free of Brad Womack and his rage problems and ready to give Brandon a shot!