Episode 5, Zornigmuddeldeinmangelslage: Being confused by Something that You Clearly Caused

 A Bachelor/ette staple across the seasons, this word is also sometimes translated as "being angered by something you clearly caused" depending on the region and dialectical differences. I wouldn't characterize Desiree's reaction to Bryden leaving as particularly angry and she certainly wasn't showing any symptoms of heartbreak (this was made abundantly clear by her commentary: "It makes me question the guys I really do like." As opposed to what, Des? The guys mafioso Chris Harrison has threatened to put out a hit on unless you keep them under your protections for another week?), but she did seem pretty confused and it's just not quite clear to me why. She repeatedly lamented that Bryden had come all the way to Germany and questioned why he would do that if his feelings were clear last week. But I can tell you why, Des. We can all tell you why.  He did it because you asked him to.

For me, this brings up some thoughts about the Bachelor/ette dynamic and power. It's clear on these shows that the Bachelor/ette has 97% of the power and has to scramble to present hollow soundbites trying to prove his or her acolytes are sharing more than the remaining 3%. The fact that the power shifts when the show ends - the fact that the Bachelor/ette must ceded the lion's share of the power while he or she desperately tries to reassure his or her intended that all those kisses/that night in the fantasy suite/that blood oath never to go rappelling with anyone else meant nothing - is one of the many, many reasons these relationships so often fail.

When you look at the small handful of these made-for-TV engagements that have succeeded, they tend to be those of Bachelor/ettes who didn't have their traditional share of the power. Ashley Hebert spent her whole season in a self-conscious shame spiral over the fact that she wasn't Emily. Jason Mesnick paid his powerless dues by humiliating himself (wait, should that be humbling himself?....Nah!), and obviously others, on National TV. If Sean Lowe and Catherine work out, it will only be because Sean's misogynistic mentality assures that he would never bestow his betrothed with any share of the power anyway ("Shhh...baby....Don't you worry your pretty little head about me telling AshLee she was the only one for me. Let a man take care of it."), so they can continue true to form.

Unfortunately for Des, I feel like she is falling into the much more common trap of Bachelor/ettes who pay lip service to their vulnerability and to the power they don't have, but ultimately seem to be wielding it all the same. Despite her constant cliches that this show is a two way street, Des continues to seem incredibly disoriented when men don't love or want to sacrifice everything for her. And I would guess this won't be the last time she's confused about something she clearly caused as a result.