Day Thirty-One, Katie

Katie here is a nutritionist.  She also said this in her ABC interview:

What is your favorite television show and why?
I'm obsessed with all things Food Network and Cooking Channel. Also, Extreme Makeover - Weight Loss and Biggest Loser make me cry like a baby.

I want to spend hours psychoanalyzing that answer.  Hours.

Day Thirty, The Most Dramatic Finale in Bachelor History

I'm just assuming.

Day Twenty-Nine, Ashlee

Ashlee already has two of my favorite Bachelor contestant attributes: crazy eyes and a "creatively" spelled name. I'm not sure the insanity lurking beneath her glassy stare truly compares to any of the greats, but time will tell if her on-camera behavior can live up to the snap judgment I made of her to put her in line with this pantheon of crazies:

Day Twenty-Eight, The Universal Enthusiasm for the Show

Okay, so maybe "universal" is putting it a little bit strongly.  My husband, for one, can't stand the show.  But the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise does seem to have an odd way of uniting unlikely groups.  My personal favorite show devotee is Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo who almost redeems his years of terrible playoff goaltending with one simple tweet:

Strombone ‏@strombone1

Soooooooo excited for march madness!! FYI in case you didn't know march madness stands for " bachelor: women tell all" in our household

Expand 

•  Reply 
•  Retweet 
•  Favorite

Day Twenty-Seven, Selma

Based purely on the ABC photos, I think Selma is easily the prettiest lady here.  However, in some interview, the origins or accuracy of which I am completely unable to site, she apparently said "hopeless places" are the best places to meet guys.  Outside of being ripped from Rihanna, I can't help but wonder what sorts of places she means.  Is she picking up men on death row, or is she exclusively referring to her almost infinitesimal odds on the Bachelor.

Day Twenty-Six, Impressive Careers

Yes, this season has its fair share of Bachelor standards.  It has an NFL cheerleader, and an NBA dancer, and a fit model.  It has an actress and a "TV host" who I'm sure will get questioned about being there for the right reasons. It also has plenty of "slashies" (i.e., singer/legal assitant, nutritionist/yoga instructur/freelance writer, fashionista/organizer).

But overall, this year's crop is kind of impressive.  There are multiple lady-directors for various companies that sounds quite business-y and important, there's a democratic lobbyist, and even a CEO. I have only the vaguest memories of what Sean does for a living, but his Southern-ness and his family values makes me think that he's unlikely to pick up and leave to support his intended's career, so it will be interesting to see if any of the more career-driven women stick around.

Day Twenty- Five, Ashley H

From Ashley H's ABC Interview:

What was the most romantic present you have ever given? Why?
I love to cook and anytime I do I make the mood beautiful and serve with candles.  I'm simple and I believe you don't have to spend thousands for romance.

Dear Sean,
    If a women ever shows up with blown out hair, flashy jewelry, and what looks to be a zebra sarong/mini dress combo and claims to be "simple," you should RUN.

  Warm Regards,

Megan

Day Twenty-Four, Taryn

Taryn is this season's mandatory beauty queen.  Apparently, she was 1st runner up in '08, and 3rd runner up in '09 for Miss Oregon USA 2009.  Now, I have nothing against beauty queens whatsover, but this regression seems about right. 

I imagine her trajectory has gone a little something like this:
1st runner up in 2008
3rd runner up in 2009
Car show model in 2010
Hooters waitress in 2011
Bachelor Contestant in 2012

Day Twenty-Three, Chris Harrison's Dead-Eyed Approach to Dealing with Heartbreak

Day Twenty-Two, Kristy

 
From Kristy's ABC Interview:

Describe your idea of the ultimate date.
My ideas are endless, I imagine exotic places, where love literally fills the air. I picture me and my date, exploring a tropical city, doing crazy adventurous things - all about the romantic paradise setting.

Apparently, her ideas are also beginningless.

Day Twenty-One, The Tabloids Keeping Cast-Offs Relevant Long After the Season Ends

Day Twenty, Lindsay

Apparently Lindsay shows up to the first night in a wedding dress.  All I can say is, her decision-making skills make me feel just a little bit better about all the time I just spent obsessively trying to pause the trailer in just the right spot trying to figure out who she was.

Day Nineteen, Neil Lane and the Most Aggressive Engagement Rings Known to Man

Day Eighteen, Robyn

From Robyn's ABC Interview:

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
Going on a stake out to stalk my friend's ex-boyfriend.

I badly hope that her friend is really "her friend." Someone has to be the crazy possessive one who doesn't understand how the show works!

Day Seventeen, Terrible, Sex-Fueled Decisions

Day Sixteen, Leslie

From Leslie's ABC Interview:

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?
This might sound weird but I think being a homeless person.  To see how they truly live their life and the struggles they go through and how they got there.  So one day, I can help change the number of homeless people that end up living on the streets.

There are a million things wrong with what's written in this answer, but the biggest problem of all is something that's not included here.  Apparently, Leslie intends to use this ill-gotten empathy to eradicate homelessness through her work as....an actress.

Day Fifteen, Desperate Bids for the First Impression Rose

Day Fourteen, Ashley P

From Ashley P's ABC Interview:

What is a typical Saturday night like for you?
Going out with my best friends and their fiances/husbands.  Whoever/whatever.  My 2 closest GF's all do dinner and get ready together.
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why?
Yes! extremely I wear my <3 on my sleeve and tend to let my emotions rule over my head and romantic attention <I am a Leo>.

Now, I don't consider myself on expert on the male perspective - I didn't grow up with brothers and I can't throw a baseball to save my life - but here are three things that I'm pretty sure that guys like:

1) Women who replace the word "heart" with the emoticon
2) Astrology, and
3) Women who make it very clear upfront that all of their friends are married. 

I don't want ruin the enjoyment of the season for anyone, but I'm pretty sure we don't even have to watch.  Ashley P. has the whole thing in the bag.

Day Thirteen, Lauren

Lauren here is apparently a New England Patriots cheerleader, an anchor and producer at GoLocalProv, and a manager at a restaurant. At least when she says "I gave up so much to be here" it won't ring quite as false.!

Day Twelve, Women Being Taken on Dates that are Actualizations of their Worst Fears

Day Eleven, Diana

Two things you should know about Diana:

1) According to her ABC interview, she wants to be Taylor Swift - which is...actually sort of apt given that Taylor Swift has already made a career out of relationships that haven't worked out.
2) She's Jef Holm's hair stylist (or at least used to be before he left Utah, and I suppose maybe is again).  I must say I can't see a girl with such trendy visions about men's hair winding up with a guy like Sean.

Day Ten, Catherine

I'm sure that Catherine is a lovely girl, but I must say the contrast in her ABC interview here is rather:

Who do you admire most in the world and why?
Anyone who can look beyond themselves and unselfishly help others. Giving more than they may have. They are an example for us all.
What are the top 3 things on your bucket list, and why?
To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.

On the one hand, I find her honesty refreshing - no one really wants to read a bucket list that's all building habitats for humanity or healing lepers (which is apparently quite easy to do in this day and age) - but on the other hand, because these two questions were so close together, it sort of reads like "I admire unselfish people, but I am not one of them."

Day Nine, Women Fighting the Odds to Appear Sober

Though nothing quite matches the experience of listening to a sobbing slurring Jenna or a grunting, slammered Ed, it's still worth revisiting some of the wonderful sentences that have come out of past contestant's mouths when trying to pretend that they were sober enough to make life-altering decisions:

 

Jamie: I don't want to be, like, fancy with anybody unless I really want to be.

Alli: Pit stains are not hot. I could easily have pit stains in this thing (checks under her armpits).  That would not be cute 

Melissa: She's just, like, such an energy suck - I'm sorry.  I had onions on my pizza.  I shouldn't have had that onion and peppers and everything on my pizza.  And I had four slices.

Ashley: I feel like I'm so emotionally unstable.  Like, I wouldn't want to be with be right now.

Jenna: Maybe we can share a tampon sometime.

Day Eight, Lacey

In honor of the first day of Hannukah: Lacey Latka. I'm not kidding.  I just wonder if that's really her name or if, sometime around episode six, she will reveal a shady past in Jewish porn.

Day Seven, Women Who Aren't Here to Make Friends

Day Six, Lesley

So repeated viewings of the trailer haven't amounted to much, except for the fact that I now know that the show premieres January 7th and that Sean, though still quite attractive, really shouldn't be allowed to wink.

Lesley here does make an appearance in the footage holding a football though, and while I have to say I usually abhor the contestants that prepare "something special" (read: awkward) for their first meeting, I have to admit this might be very well played.

Day Five, Diversity!

Though I assume the lawsuit was thrown out, it's no big shock to see a cast that's much more diverse than usual.  And unlike last year's token effort, I assume that it's safe to say that these lovely ladies won't all be sent packing on night one.

Day Four, Paige (Allegedly)

According to Reality Steve (and yes, his "predictions" are out there already, so be careful to avoid his spoilers if you're doing research for the draft), Paige will be joining the cast of this season's Bachelor.  As some of you probably recall, Paige was on a single episode of this summer's Bachelor Pad before being sent home for ocassionally putting on clothes other than a bikini.

Day Three, Reading Recaps

My all time favorites come from the Reality Fantasy League on http://www.grantland.com/ which originally inspired this league, but it's amazing how many 500 word versions I can read of the same show.  At one point over the summer I even sunk to reading recaps penned by the contestants themselves, and these people lack the self-awareness that might help imbue their posts with any kind of special insight.  To be honest, I might like reading recaps better than watching the show (or maybe that's just something I tell myself to make my devotion to all this seem more palatable...)

Day Two, Amanda

 

From her ABC interview:

What is your favorite all-time book and why?
The Shack - it's emotional and humbles you.
What was the most romantic present you have ever received and why?
I was offered a prada bag or the same amount of $$ donated to a charity that we would volunteer at (I went with the second)

Because Sean's "values" (read: religion) are so important to him, I can't help wondering if we're going to see a whole rash of this kind of contestants - contestants who do all kinds of volunteering and just can't wait to brag about it.  While I respect and admire people who volunteer in general, it's not necessarily something I'm looking for in a reality TV contestant (unless it's part of a show-mandated effort to clean up one's image). 

Also, perhaps this is what's keeping me from being in the running to be Sean's betrothed, but I'm not convinced that either the prada bag or the money is a particularly romantic gift. You can't help but feel like she was going to slip that in no matter what question she got asked. ("What kind of animal would I be?  Probably a St. Bernard because I think I'm really good at saving people and I have a flask in my pocket right now.)

We get it Amanda, you're a good person.  Now tell us about how you're not here to make friends.

Day One, Super Awkward Kissing

Happy Holidays with ABC's The Bachelor

I don't know about you all, but I absolutely love the holidays.  Even though I'm technically Jewish (or more accurately, Jew-ish), there's something about December that fills me with a wintery kind of excitement made of equal parts peace on earth and goodwill towards men. One thing that really keeps my Christmas spirit going is an advent calendar.  Even if it's just a picture of an elf or some chocolate made out of sawdust, I love the daily reminder of the excitement to come.

And since, for me, the sound of eight tiny reindeer's hooves on my roof is almost as exciting as the sound of hooker heels on Bachelor Mansion linoleum, this year I thought I'd help get us all in a festive mood with a little Bachelor advent calendar.  The air date for the first episode still seems to be "some time in January," but until some time in January arrives, I'll try to put up a posting every day to help remind each of us what we have to look forward to in the month ahead.

Details about the rules for this year's league, team names, and the draft will all be published here eventually, but in the true spirit of the holidays, for now, we'll set all the ugly competitiveness aside and focus instead on that which unites us.  A long-lasting, mildly shameful, but truly deep love of terrible reality TV.