Finding out what career paths might allow me to someday take off three months of time when I eventually star on my own reality show about women who write Chris Harrison fan-fiction (I, of course, will be the one who is there for the wrong reasons, casting him not as Christian Gray from 50 Shades of Gray, or that Twilight vampire whose name I'm unwilling to look up [yes, I realize I just said the same thing twice], or gay harry Potter, but as Faust or, if I'm feeling particularly punitive, Jar Jar Binks) is my favorite part of any pre-season and this year certainly didn't disappoint. I suppose the real shock this year is that so many of them have jobs given that this crop of contestants is incredibly young and, you know, the economy! But jobs they (mostly) have, so let's take a closer look.
The Typical:
In addition to salesy, designy, real estatey type jobs that I promptly forget upon reading (but that seem particularly primed for a future reality career), there are also the old favorites that crop up year after year. We have the Kindergarten teacher, the Lawyer who's going to question what she's doing there if she's so much smarter than everyone else, the esthetician.
The Ones I Can't Make Fun Of:
Adding to my to do list to double check which girl is the war veteran before I write something truly regrettable.
The Ones Who Would Make Winnie Cooper Proud:
This year features an accountant, a math teacher, and a mathematician, and while none of those would necessarily be notable on their own, is it possible that, in his early interviews with his team, Ben said "I don't really have a type, and of course I don't have any strong preferences when it comes to race. Why would you even ask that? But....do you think it's possible we could get a few girls who have memorized at least the first, say, forty or so digits of pi?"
The Ridiculous:
It happens every year. Girls who don't have jobs or who just don't want to write "waitress" or, you know, "esthetician" take some ridiculous personal attribute or "fun fact" they usually trot out for two truths and a lie and pretend that someone somehow pays them for it. So to the "Twins" I say, that is genetics. No one is pretending "Detached earlobe haver" is a career. To the "Cowgirl" I say, going out to a bar wearing a cowboy hat, jean skirt mini, and boots is not an actual job unless you're also pimping, like, rattle-spur moonshine or working the mechanical bull. And to the "Chicken Enthusiast" I say...stop with the enthusiast thing already! Liking something is not an actual job! Also, it's ambiguous...are we talking free range mama hen or more of the cordon bleu variety. Be more specific with your stupidity!
The Hero:
Okay, it's obviously the war veteran again. Or maybe the small business owner if you're running for things. But there's also something to be said for the woman who simply and honestly listed herself as "unemployed." Perhaps she can start a mentoring program for any woman who hangs around past week two. It seems certain they will need your tutelage.
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