Okay, so after two strong years of picking out AshLee and Claire, I admit that last year, my methods failed me. (And by methods, I mean, casually scrutinizing the full page of bio photos, then taking a quick nap to see which of those photos came to life in my nightmares, attacking me with the animated feather-duster from Beauty and the Beast and/or tropical fruit). But I will not be deterred. Because making senseless predictions is pretty much the entire basis of both this blog and this league, and as commissioner, I feel it is my duty to set an example! So here, in order of "her contacts might just be messed up" to "no, that lady literally stole the eyes from an illegally poached tiger so she could stare at us all in a more menacing way," I give you my candidates for most crazy-eyed this year:
Honorable Mention: Amanda
I feel a little bit bad about this one. Amanda has kids and is probably a nice lady who's just trying to make it after life (and love) let her down. She's got a real job, and clearly finds time to work out and shape her eyebrows and whatnot, and who am I to make fun! But...there's also just a hint of the murdery, lurking beneath those carefully sculpted brows and a full-on admission of a desire to go full-on Jolie with a questionably sane baby-adopting binge. Also...anyone who advocates both the protective balm of sunscreen and the actual poison of botox in the same sentence probably doesn't have logic fully on her side.
Runner-Up: Haley
They look totally identical. But Emily's the "Outgoing Twin," and Haley is the "Most Likely to Save Your Fingernail Clippings to Use in her Vision Collage Twin." I could definitely be way off on this one, as Haley claims that the most outrageous thing about her is that she works in a bar but doesn't actually party or drink, but...her favorite movie is also We Bought a Zoo, and there is nothing mentally stable about that!
Front-Runner: Olivia
We've already talked a little bit about Olivia's intensity and the scary win-at-all-costs mentality that seems to be lurking behind her smile. But in case her ambition isn't enough, we'e also got her deepest darkest fear: "I don't fear much except ending up along. I've been on my own so much and I'm so independent. I would hate to wake up one day with everything I've worked so hard for but there's no one in bed next to me." Which makes total sense. Because she is 23. And in her single year of independence since college, she's been able to cultivate not just a successful news anchor career, but also a very appealing sense of desperation which I, for one, can't wait to see on screen!
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