Day 6, Jackie

At first, I thought there wasn't much to her. Just another girl who thinks marriage is all about sacrifice...you know, at least after you win it on national television. But then, I read about her perfect date, and I realized Jackie was more than just another girl. She was the girl that was going to teach me to emphasize again.

Because as I read about her date: "A fun, exciting new adventure followed by a romantic picnic and good conversation," I thought, as a so often do, "Man, this is boring." Adventure - boring (unless it has an element of "choosing your own" and/or it makes you face a crushing and paralyzing fear that will result in tears. Because who doesn't want to cry on a first date). Romantic picnic - boring (well, at least as boring as any other meal plagued by insects, the elements, and seating with no back support....did I mention I'm quite pregnant?). Good conversation - you would think by the very definition of "good" not boring, but I've seen how these girls work...and I think we can safely say boring (talk of your parents lifelong romance, how many babies you want to pop out, some sort of carefully calibrated, not too off-putting childhood trauma....you know, typical picnic chat).

But the I read the final sentence: "Then maybe some ice cream" and suddenly I didn't hate her anymore! Suddenly, I thought, yeah! Jackie is my sort of girl! And I quickly saw that, just like the whole "in bed" fortune cookie trick, adding "And then maybe some ice cream" makes my like everything about these girls much, much better. For example, even just looking at Jackie:

What would Jackie do to impress a man? "I would do something really thoughtful for him like create a piece of art or some sort of craft."

What? No, Jackie! Men are impressed by the rote memorization of football stats. A hand embroidered Christmas tree ornament isn't going to do the job! It's going to leave him hiding said ornament from friends, or awkwardly looking for flattering synonyms for lumpy! Which is not the same as impressed!

But if we re-read the line as "I would do something really thoughtful for him like create a piece of art or some sort of craft. And then maybe some ice cream." I think, yeah, okay. That would probably work. What man isn't impressed by a girl who knows where her local ice cream shop is at (and can quote him some football stats while they drive over).

Similarly. If you ask Jackie what marriage means to her, you get the pretty standard fare: "Marriage means committing fully to your best friend and promising to love that person for all eternity and to make all sacrifices necessary to cherish and respect that love." Which...ugh...it's a wonder that anyone ever gets married! That sounds so hard...and boring.

But if we add...."Marriage means blah blah blah committing...blah blah blah eternity...blah blah blah sacrificial offerings...blah blah blah cherish by keeping a lock of hair under your pillow on which to perform regular rituals...blah blah blah I may not be quoting verbatim....And then maybe some ice cream." Yes! I want that! I'm in! (My only requirements when looking for a man to marry were: Taller than me, and not lactose intolerant. It's going pretty good so far).

Even when we look at a less positive usage of the favorite creamy treat, it still works! For example, when asked about her biggest regret, Jackie said "I never regret anything." Which obviously elicits yet another ugh. Because really? Never?  Either you're obscenely gifted at making decisions (and you being on this show is an aberration in your otherwise speeding ticket-, unnecessary fourth glass of wine-, fourth grade home perm-free life) or you just have a really skewed sense of your own merits (or, I suppose, as a third alternative, you are a lying-faced liar).

But if we add: "I never regret anything....maybe some ice cream" suddenly, this is a girl I want to get to know! Are her regrets when she orders and then sees one of her friends with an even more appealing flavor? Or when she gets a super jumbo when probably the plain old regular jumbo would have sufficed. Or when she gets a regular jumbo and spends the whole time feeling that the end is too imminent, that our mortality is as fleeting as the delicious frozen sugar in her all too small bowl. Because, yes to all of those things. I have been there. And I like it. Just like I suddenly like Jackie! As if by magic, my emotions are transformed!