I love Breanne's body of work so much that rather than scrambling to find one moderately interesting thing to say about her, I have compiled an entire list of reasons I find her profile to be of note. So here, in order of, "Well, a lot of Bachelor Contestants probably watch Top Model" to "Holy Wow, this girl is Crazy" I give you Breanne:
5) She references a Tyra Banks-ism. And while "smizing" isn't one of Ty-Ty's most insane concepts (Because that award goes to Modelland, her dystopian young adult novel, in which a character literally has roller skates for feet and knives for breasts), anyone who makes a point of citing her is sure to have packed a jumpsuit for each rose ceremony or have a half-baked British accent locked and loaded for her first one-on-one date or sneaking into a fellow contestants room in the middle of the night to shave off half of her hair and dye the remainder purple. And that's a contestant I want to see.
4) If Breanne was a vegetable, she would be a "Carrot! Sweet and Sassy." Also, it seems likely Breanne has never actually eaten a carrot or, if so, has some sort of disorder which makes it difficult for her to process flavors.
3) Breanne claims her favorite book is "Why Men Love Bitches." Because she thinks "...the title is hilarious, but it's all about valuing yourself and letting the man pursue you." I suspect it's really all about feeling slightly less bad about the mean-spirited decisions that you make. I also suspect it would recommend against coming on this show....
2) Breanne's final answer deals with what she hopes to get out of this show. She says "I want to find the love of my life and be role models together for what true love is. I want to show America that anything is possible and God will give you the desires of your heart. #powercouple - Yes I hastagged that ;)" Clearly, I need two bullets to process this...and that's only because I'm not touching on the whole God thing. First of all...she hashtagged her own answer....and then acknowledged that fact by emoticon'ing her own hashtag. I cannot.
1) Secondly, I would never claim to be a role model for what true love is...mostly because I would not claim to be a role model for anything aside from eating Reese's Peanut Butter Trees for breakfast (I obviously dominate that). But if one were to claim role model status, I suspect that that person a) would not have met their intended online, b) would not use their relationship as springboard to other, classier programs like Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars (ahem, Sean and Catherine), and c) would not HASHTAG themselves as a POWERCOUPLE. Or perhaps I'm confusing being a role model for true love with being a role model for living your life with a shred of common sense. And perhaps that's exactly why no one wants to emulate me. #Logicisforlosers Frowny Face Emoticon with a Tear.
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