Day 3, The Crazy Eyes

This was actually a pretty hard one this year. Don't get me wrong, there are some crazy, crazy eyes among this bunch. But...when I read a lot of the crazy-eyed profiles, they didn't all immediately suggest that my usually unimpeachable judgment technique had me on the right track. Almost as if they were trying to suggest that I shouldn't just them by a single photo of them...

But don't worry. I soldiered on regardless, and managed to make my pick for the girl whose eyes tell stories, stories about how if you step to her, she's probably going to stab you in the neck. Or maybe make you a scrap book in which they use old copies of Tiger Beat to convey to you their true feelings. Eighty-Forty.

In any case:

Honorable Mention: Kimberly
So, Kimberly is a Yoga Instructor so she does originate from a stereotypically crazy bunch (albeit a very centered stereotypically crazy bunch), but her profile does make her sound far more normal than the intensity of her eyes and clenched smile suggests. Also, while this isn't crazy per se, it's fun (and not outside the realm of possibility) to read this in what I'm currently envisioning to be Kimberly's overly intense voice:
"[I'm a] hopeless (or hopeful) romantic. I will always believe in love. Always."
I added the emphasis, but...if we just replace a few key words, this very easily becomes. "Chris, I will always keep this lock of your hair. Always. Now excuse me while I go journal about how this makes me feel."

First Runner-Up: Kara
While her eyes (and probably her outfit) make her seem like the woman who just broke another woman's nose over the last caftan on the 50% off sales rack at Chico's, her profile actually makes her seem almost down to earth. The one shining beacon of madness that can be gleaned from her otherwise run-of-the-mill answers is that, while I suspect that she is, in fact, a teacher, she lists herself as a high school soccer coach. Which now allows me to envision Kara as a super intense, overly serious coach whose trying to overcome her own perceived personal failings by finally winning state. With those eyes, I have to think she's probably dosing her star players with Cortizone shots on the sidelines after her trainer refuses to do so, citing actual scruples. Kara may just skate along in the middle of the pack until the girls are forced to play Jai alai during their first group date in the Philippines. My best guess is Kara will wind up getting sent home from the date early after her punching her own worthless, lazy teammate in the face for allowing the word "quit" into her vocabulary.

 The Winner: Trina
I'm pretending it was almost sort of close, but it wasn't. Trina here, is this season's hands down winner for Ms. Crazy Eyes. Not only was she the previously mentioned crazy who used the term "Di-Di" in her profile answers (because who doesn't have affectionate pet names for all of their most unpleasant of bodily functions), but she includes her graduate school GPAs and claims that she would like to be a guy for a day so that she could "know how they think!" I already have pretty terrifying images of her someday going all Buffalo Bill on the world and flays some poor shmuck alive so that she can walk around in his skin (Though, let's be real. Chris Harrison has already set balls in motion to be sure this happens on Bachelor in Paradise). And if all this wasn't convincing enough (which, why wouldn't it be. It's clearly a very well-researched, thoughtfully constructed thesis), then there's this. Just this:
"I would be a coconut. I love how they grow in such beautiful, exotic yet uninhabited places. No one would ever eat me! I would smell and taste delicious too! And I'd have lots of health benefits to offer."