Day 5, Special, Special Jobs

So, winning this year comes with a one-way ticket to Iowa and, while I'm from the Midwest and recognize that they have jobs there, I would guess it comes with, at the very least a strong invitation to quit your job. So, I guess it's not the largest of shocks that this year's crop of slavering singles doesn't feature much in the way of doctors, lawyers, and Indian Chiefs (and by Indian Chiefs, I clearly mean the generic lady-VPs and Marketing-type Executives that actually find their way onto this show from time to time). Instead, what we do have is a highly predictable but still largely amusing collection of occupations to look forward to. They include:

The Jobs that are Predictable
Seriously, every season of The Bachelor features some of these things: The make-up artists, the hair stylists, the bartenders, the teachers and fertility nurses. And did you guys read the recent New York Times article talking about how one 1/30 of the world's population is now Estheticians? No? I mean, I didn't either, but if The Bachelor dating pool is to be believed...

The Jobs that Would Basically Make up an Exciting Paper Doll or Barbie Wardrobe Collection
I'm looking at you flight attendant, fashion designer, soccer coach, and ballet teacher...and desperately hoping you just turn out to be one girl wearing different themed outfits.

The Jobs that Didn't Used to be Actual Things before Reality TV
Okay, so, yes. Technically, I know you can make a living as a WWE Diva or a plus-sized model. But is it seriously now possible to have a career as a Former NFL Cheerleader? Or a Sports Fishing Enthusiast? And if so, how does one become qualified?

The Jobs that Might not be around to go Back to
I always worry a little bit about the teachers, but this year there is an actual Guidance Counselor on the show. Even setting aside for a moment the pressing Guidance Counselor shortage plaguing our nation...would you ever want someone so clearly capable of such poor decision-making to be the one guiding your children?

The Jobs We're Going to Hear Waaaay Too Much About
We're clearly going to be hard pressed to get a moment's peace from the tragedy of the Wedding Cake Decorator who just wants a chance, for once, to fondant for herself! Unless of course, we can't hear her woeful tale over the off-key crooning of the Cruise Ship Singer.

The Jobs that are Simply Stand-Ins for "Evil Scientist"
That episode where the Cosmetics Developer and the Cadaver Tissue Saleswoman finally take over the world is going to be the most dramatic episode in Bachelor history. (Or, quite possible, the least classy episode ever of Pinky and the Brain).