Unfortunately, this week, Sean finally separated the wheat from the chaff, the sheep from the goats, the girls I don't want to punch in the face from the girls named Tierra. And that means that from here on out, the show will actually be about Sean. So let's take a moment to check in on our favorite good ol' boy, and make sure that he still sets my teeth on edge with his Southern charm and saccharine-laced condescension.
<Spoiler alert: He does>
Here's a few of the Sean-niest moments from this week's epsiode:
What Sean said: "Because I care so much about you, I think it might be best if you go home now."
What Sean meant: "There are other women out there who are willing to sleep with me without making me work so hard."
How do I know? He gave the only date rose of the week to Lindsay. Don't get me wrong. Lindsay's a cool girl. But I think it's pretty clear that their "connection" has replaced the day one lust at first site Sean once felt for Tierra.
What Sean said: "I don't view you as broken. Take that word out of your vocabulary."
What Sean meant: "I don't view you as broken. Take that word out of your vocabulary," also apparently, "I am the kind of man who feels he can dictate women's vocabulary under a thin guise of niceness."
How do I know? Because those are actual words that he said (well, at least some of them). And, in the interest of being honest and something about glass houses and stones, when my husband and I first started dating, I did make him stop using emoticons in his text. But I feel like that was more of a public service than a gross display of misogyny.
What Sean said: "I'm not shocked that [I sent Tierra home because she had a meltdown]."
What Sean meant: "I'm not shocked that [I sent Tierra home because she had a meltdown]. The producers finally told me I could."
How do I know? I don't want to clumsily re-enact what was, hands down, the best moment of this season, but Sean pretty much awkwardly said, "Uh, wait right here," disappeared for awhile, and then came back to tell Tierra she was going home. While you could probably argue that he left so that they could build drama and make us think he was going to give her a rose, I feel pretty confident that he went to ask his mom for permission to give Tierra the boot without subjecting his lovely sister to her awful Tierra-ness. And by his mom, I mean Chris Harrison
And speaking of Chris Harrison....
What Chris Harrison said: "All of you respect what [Sean] did with Tierra."
What Chris Harrison meant: "All of you respect what [Sean] did with Tierra. That girl was the worst."
How do I know? Actually I don't know. And, gun to my head, I would guess that's not what he meant. Due to his total lack of moral compass, Chris Harrison somehow manages to like and respect each contestant equally, and come Women Tell All, I'm sure he'll be sitting up there with Tierra rubbing her arm sympathetically as she, yet again, blames the other women for not finding her likable while waving her Neil-Lane-sized rock in their faces. I think what Chris Harrison probably meant was "All of you respect what [Sean] did with Tierra who was too fragile to make it through this grueling process that is not unlike, oh, say, Doctors without Borders or the Peace Corps." And now that I write that, yuck. No wonder he and Sean seem to get along so well.
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