Week 2, The Scores

	Amanda – 45 +5 for a rose +10 for crying twice +10 for kissing in a group setting +10 for revealing she has kids Bonus: +10 for receiving a gift from Ben Important Info: So....the barrette thing was pretty cute. And who doesn't like a gift that comes with arts and crafts. But I just can't figure out why Ben kept saying that Amanda "makes more sense now." What exactly confused him about her in the past? Was she showing up to cocktail parties with gum in her hair? Did she tell him that her uterus hurt? Or was he just confused by the fact that a grown woman would opt to go with a baby voice?
	Amber – 20 +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for saying that she's basically in last place. And you know what, another +5 for appropriately recognizing there are places! Important Info: So...if you attempt to give out a rose and the girl rejects you and you decide to give it to someone else...maybe...don't make a big, long speech about it? I mean, the man didn't say "Amber will you accept this pity rose, but...I think we all know that was what he meant."
	Becca - 25 +5 for a rose +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness Bonus: +5 for providing a new orientation for the entire state of Indiana Important Info: While I don't exactly admire that being Homecoming Queen has always been a dream for Becca, I believe it a whole hell of a lot more than her assertion that last time she was "scared of being hurt." There's nothing wrong with simply not being that into Chris. Just as there is nothing wrong with being a primarily asexual being. But if that's the case then....maybe give the dating shows a rest? Or at least cultivate a more compelling repertoire in crazy
	Caila – 40 +20 for a date rose +5 for kissing in a one-on-one setting +15 for being treated to a concert of a band I have never heard of Important Info: Caila is cute and spunky and she did a very nice job deliberately placing the word "journey" with "adventure" (so...it's possible there's actually a book in the mansion this season! Don't be shy about sharing your thesaurus!) I think she and Ben are probably a fine match until she realizes in 6 months that she's actually not that in to him either because she's 23 and works in a male-dominated industry and being single is kind of fun. Or until Kevin Hart calls and she realizes that actually he's the only guy affiliated with this show that actually said interesting things when he talked.
	Emily– 25 +5 for a rose Bonus: +20 for saying she's not very smart. I wanted to award her all the points, but I felt I had to save some of them for me for actually having a few lucid moments when I could tell the twins apart! Important Info: I know many of you watch this closely, but for me, clothing changes have never really much of a focus throughout the show (If I'm blinded by sparkles, it slows down my ability to write furious notes!). So imagine my shock and disappointment when I had finally sussed out which twin was wearing what, only to learn that they would be rocking at least four more outfits before the end of the night!
	Haley - 5 +5 for a rose Important Info: Haley, on the other hand, gets no points for saying "Don't put the blonde on the date" when she had to go do very mentally strenuous science things. Because seriously, Haley...you were all blondes. All of you! I'm pretty sure ABC would have mentioned if Haley and Emily were conjoined twins by now, but if they were surgically separated at birth, I would suggest that their blonde hair isn't the organ of which they each only got half.
	Jackie– 0 Eliminated Important Info: If Jackie ever appears on Bachelor in Paradise, I will almost certainly be forced to look her up countless times, equally convinced in each outing that I have never before seen her. I was also, undoubtedly, be surprised when I actually hear her voice. And then maybe some ice cream.
	Jami – 5 +5 for a rose Important Info: Unlike Jackie, for Jami there is still some hope. Though usually girls that have to sit out the first week of dates have made some sort of headway toward the Bachelor's heart. In this case, I think Ben might just be trying to avoid an angry phone call from Kaitlyn.
	Jennifer – 30 +5 for a rose +10 for kissing on a group date Bonus: +15 for telling the other girls Important Info: Oh Jennifer! Jennifer of the night one values. Jennifer who Ben clearly couldn't wait to kiss. Just because Ben wants to recap your amazing conversation from night one, doesn't mean you should turn around and recap that one-on-one experience for the rest of the girls. Learn to keep your mouth shut, Jennifer. Especially since some times, when you open it, asinine statements about how romantic it is to ride around a high school track in a convertible come out.
	Jo Jo – 50 +20 for a date rose +10 for kissing in a group date setting +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness Bonus: +5 for providing an new orientation for the entire state of Indiana Important Info: In looking at the scoring so far...is it possible that Ben is just really attracted to women who don't know how to place Indiana on a map? In Jo Jo's case, he may also be really attracted to superlatives. In her one date with Ben, Jo Jo managed to claim that she had never "in her entire life" been so high (in a roof sort of way...hence the lack of intoxication points), been so happy, and been so turned on in a high school. I have to say, I really hope that last one is as true as the second one is false.
	Jubilee – 50 +5 for a rose +10 for plugging her military career (yes, it is far more noble than one in acting or modeling or singing, but...I still get the sense it's going to come up A LOT) +10 for kissing in a group date setting +10 for revealing a personal tragedy Bonus: +10 for threatening to make Lace disappear But +5 for claiming she would do it "tactfully." Because if you don't have your dignity what kind of murderer are you? Important Info: Maybe Jubilee is super into Ben. Maybe he's her perfect man and her win at all costs attitude is a manifestation of her heart's desires. But there was something a little bit calculating about her this week - I'm revealing my tragedy to Ben and I expect to get a rose. I'm partnering with Lace because I assume she can read - something calculating that I clearly admire and respect in the context of reality TV.
	Lace – 60 +5 for a rose +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness +5 for crying +10 for revealing a personal tragedy Bonus: +15 for complaining about both Jubilee and Olivia interrupted other girls after she had executed the same maneuver herself +10 for acknowledging that she is coming off as crazy and is a lot to handle Important Info: Chalk up another victory for the Bachelor psychologist. It's hard to even see Lace as a villain on this show because she she so clearly lacks control over what she's doing. I imagine Ben makes the largest of the producers stand just off camera while he's talking to her just in case. And I imagine that producer makes the psychologist stand just behind him, ready to fulfill her Hippocratic duties, ostensibly by refilling Lace's drink.
	LB – 70 Self-Eliminated +5 for a rose (hey, it was offered, even if it wasn't expected) +50 for leaving the show Bonus: +15 for leaving the show after being offered a rose. Important Info: I obviously don't know LB, but I support her decision-making ability. And I like that she decided to quit after being offered a rose. So often these departures seem motivated by fear of rejection, but not so for LB! She wanted it known that it wasn't her. It was you. Lauren B. – 30 +5 for a rose +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness Bonus: +10 for receiving a gift from Ben Important Info: Was it just me or was Lauren B. throwing out some amazing flat affect when Ben told her he was giving her a gift? I couldn't tell if she was not into him, was not into whatever cheesy token the interns had cobbled together, or if that's just the way she talks, but I loved it nonetheless. It was like Ben picked her dandelions or made a macaroni noodle collage of her face or perhaps brought her the headless body of a rodent like some sort of self-impressed cat. So what I'm saying is Lauren B. hates your children and your pets.
	Lauren H. – 15 +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for receiving a gift from Ben. Important Info: Lauren H. seems reasonably personable and bright. She also seems like the girl most likely to be surprised when she gets to the Women Tell All and realized the producers have essentially edited out her entire relationship with Ben.
	Leah – 5 +5 for a rose Important Info: Hey guys...remember that time when Leah hiked that football? Yeah. Me too. It's fortunate that Ben is such a gentleman! It would net a lot more points for those of you who drafted Leah if he just came out and told her he thought she had a nice ass!
	Mandi – 20 Eliminated Bonus: +10 for winning Homecoming Queen +10 for fake crying after her victory. You're just so kooky! Important Info: What could she have possibly have said on that convertible ride to get her sent home? Or was it just that Ben made a deal with the producers that he could cut Mandi if he kept Lace?
	Olivia – 75 +20 for a date rose +20 (10 x 2) for kissing in a group date setting Bonus: +10 for creepily eavesdropping on another girl's conversation +15 for later claiming her creepy eavesdropping was "Ben taking her privately to surprise her." +10 for calling herself the front runner...this was probably yet another example of someone saying something about themselves that is actually true... Important Info: Olivia's near-delusional aggressive confidence is made all the better by the fact that it doesn't seem to actually be full-on delusional! Obviously statements like "Now I'm done. Everyone else can have at it" and "I can tell he's felling the exact same thing that I'm feeling" aren't going to make her overwhelmingly popular with the other girls. But I think we can all agree that she will probably be even less popular because they're not exactly untrue. My only big question for Olivia is...are we really still saying "winning?" Even in the context of what we now know about Charlie Sheen? Rachel – 5 +5 for a rose Important Info: Oh hey Rachel....are you on this show? Samantha– 20 Eliminated +5 for crying Bonus: +10 for suffering through the indignities of being told she smells "sour" on national TV. Important Info: So I've already admitted to buying into the pheromones stuff, but as much as I believe the science, I am equally convinced that I would smell none-too-great after taking a light jog on national TV. Sam and Ben probably aren't meant to be, but I'm not sure humiliating her and making her less appealing to viewers served any real point. Sort of like walking her out to her limo of shame and not saying any actual words. Shushanna – 15 +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for admitting a concern that she might smell like cabbage Important Info: If Rachel's potential is being wasted, than Shushanna's could not be highlighted in an any more hilarious light! Shushanna isn't just Russian. She is a walking embodiment of every Russian stereotype we cling to in this country. She smells of cabbage. She came to the US to buy a $400 car. She brought one pair of pants and two bottles of vodka! The only thing that would further enhance my enjoyment of Shushanna is if Chris Harrison someone manages to put together a date featuring Shushanna, Ben, and a shirtless Vladimir Putin on horseback.