Week 5, The Scores

	Kardashley - 45 +5 for crying Bonus: +10 for saying Jordan isn't "wife" material (this one may need to be added to the official rules) +10 for "I don't need to be concerned about that." +20 for bemoaning her impending loss in high stakes game of sad stories poker. Important Info: So, true story. A group of my high school friends used to play a version of "my life sucks" chess with the chess board we had lying around in our school office. If I remember correctly, I wasn't allowed to play because I had a boyfriend, so it, like real chess, is a game to which I do not know the rules, but...I'm sure high school them would be sympathetic to Kardashley's plight. However, because present day them are all...not high schoolers, I'm sure they would think she is a appallingly horrible human. The hits just kept coming for Kardashley this week and, while normally one assumes some serious editing manipulation is at play when villains are spawned in Bachelor world, between her treatment of Jordan, Whitney, and Kelsey, it really seems like Kardashley is just one of those women who isn't nice to other girls.
	Becca – 0 Important Info: I assume Becca is staying around for awhile just because I don't want to live in a world where Kardashley makes it to the fantasy suite (I also don't want to live in a world where the fate of reality television shows drives my enthusiasm for life but...I'm afraid that ship has sailed). But as much as I respect her soft-spoken normality...I also think it's time for Becca to show up for those of you who have her on your teams!
	Britt - 120 +20 for a date rose +10 for kissing in a group setting while her roommates also did not nap +15 for having Chris comment on her attractiveness +10 for facing a fear +5 for crying over that fear +50 for engaging in (alleged) fantasy suite activities outside of the fantasy suite (because the fantasy suite is really just for "napping," right? +10 for being called the perfect person for the date she was on Bonus: Britt was subjected to some pretty major behind the scenes character assassination this week from the revelation that she never showers to the (gasp) information that she might actually like being single....(pardon, my delay in continuing to type. I fainted dead away). That being said, she wracked up so many standard points this week, that I don't feel too guilty not giving her anything extra because the other ladies were talking behind her back. Important Info: Britt's fear of heights is highly suspect. That is all.
	Carly – 75 +20 for a date rose +5 for kissing in a one-on-one setting +10 for being called the perfect person for the date she was on +10 for Chris commenting on her attractiveness +20 for reducing Chris to incoherent stuttering Bonus: +10 for her completely justified reaction to being shushed by Chris so that he could make-out with Britt Important Info: So, on the one hand, I sadly do not think that there's any chance that Carly is going to win. She's lovely, but you could tell from the way that Chris spoke about their connection that he's not feeling the same way toward her that he feels toward a number of the other girls. That being said, the conversations that Chris and Carly had seemed to have an unusual amount of depth. Chris' revelation that he is somewhat self-conscious about being a farmer and his discussion of his commitment issues just weren't things we've seen between him and the other girls. Maybe this is just a further sign that he's not really that into her and feels more comfortable admitting perceived flaws, but regardless, I think if I was the girl that he picked, this is the episode that would upset me the most.
	Jade – 25 +10 for revealing a...rare medical disorder Bonus: +15 for facing some very perilous peril Important Info: All I can say is that I hope it is later revealed that Jade fell out of the boat on purpose because otherwise the entire day portion of this date was a waste of precious minutes that could have been devoted to the craziness that characterized the rest of the episode
	Jordan – 65 Eliminated...Again...On an Episode where No One was Eliminated... +5 for crying Bonus: +50 for returning to the show "uninvited" +10 for really laying it on thick with the references to faith. (I'm not sure why people think that Christianity and sobriety are synonymous. Jesus' first miracle was the whole water to wine thing!) Important Info: I've already commented on what I felt like were somewhat unfair dealings for Jordan, but I will say that this time she went out with an impressive amount of class. I hope she at least has that to cling to while people debate wether or not she's an alcoholic on TMZ.
	Kaitlyn – 15 Bonus: +5 for saying she was kind of excited to watch the whole Jordan situation blow up. Her self-awareness about how this show operates is on a whole different level. +10 for repeating "Who's Pissed?" after Whitney got the rose.  Important Info: If it didn't seem super biased, I would seriously award Kaitlyn ALL the points and just declare everyone a winner who has her on their teams. It seems like a little bit of a long-shot given ABCs love of boringness and polish, but I really hope Kaitlyn is in the running for next Bachelorette.
	Kelsey – 125 +5 for crying +10 for revealing a personal tragedy +20 for stealing "unsanctioned" one-on-one time with Chris +5 for kissing in a one-on-one setting +25 for requiring medical attention +20 for reducing Chris to incoherent stuttering Bonus: +10 for totally getting her spot blown up by Chris. "I was going to tell you guys..." Okay, Kelsey. Sure. +30 for...I don't know...can I just say "other?" I've already spoken at length about my confusion about the whole Kelsey thing, but regardless of the explanation, the whole "my story is amazing" and this show "my story too" and just the general creepy vibe is certainly worthy of some points. Important Info: Just for the record, I don't really think Kelsey murdered her husband. She might not be the nicest person in the world, but apparently she's taking some rather serious heat on the twitters and people are actually arguing that she did. Seriously. Just because I want to write a fake lifetime move about her doesn't mean that I think she's actually the star of a lifetime-worthy story (but if she was Dean Cain would obviously be the only choice for Sanderson).
	Mackenzie – 15 +10 for referencing her connection with Chris Bonus: +5 for pretending to be Jade and saying she needed Chris to warm her butt. It made me giggle. Because I am a child. Important Info: I know Whitney was billed as this week's hero, but, as I mentioned, for me, it's Mackenzie all the way. Of course, in this league, heroism is tantamount to negative points, so...
	Megan – 10 +10 for confusing Mexico and New Mexico.  Important Info: Megan's ignorance of geography was the only thing she was allowed to showcase this week. I could fill an entire three-hour finale special with my ignorance of geography, so I'm not un-sympathetic.
	Samantha – 0 Important Info:  Samantha: I haven't had a one-on-one yet. Megan's Brain: Or a chance to talk.

Whitney – 40 +20 for a date rose +10 for referencing her connection with Chris (or maybe he referenced it? My notes aren't entirely clear...) Bonus: +10 for pointing out that Kardashley isn't pretending to be something she's not. It proves she's not only really sweet but also super astute! Important Info: Again, it's so very hard to give points for good deeds, but Whitney is pretty much the personification of a Disney Princess (I can't consider a cartoon with that small of a waist to be a person). If only ABC could plan some sort of date, maybe, like, something cross-promotional with a princess-related moving...?