Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.
Craig - SP: 16Attraction (a): 1
There is a fun-loving guy on each season of The Bachelorette who is kept around as as equal parts non-threatening and unattractive friend. That guy is always named Craig.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
Awkward, no. Ill-advised, yes.
Background (B): 3
Craig's background video basically played out like halfway through he realized his boss was in the room. Craig on being an accountant, "I'm definitely adding up numbers, but in my head I'm thinking about fun things...When 4:35 rolls around, I'm definitely not thinking about getting our of there. I'm, like, primed to work more." The combination of this magic and the fact that Bachelorette filming coincided perfectly with tax seasons, leads me to believe Craig might not currently have a job.
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
Ron - SP: 2
Attraction (a): 1
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0
Background (B): 1
Ron is from Israel and Barbados and was more excited about a prospect of getting a drink than hanging out longer with Andi. I think that's probably enough.
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
Bradley - SP: 16
Attraction (a): 4
Let's be honest. Elmer Fudd over there is really our nation's foremost affiliation with male opera singers. So much so, in fact, that when I did a google search for "three tenors" multiple pictures of the three amigos came up (Stupid, smug google. I'll tell you what I'm looking for. Not the reverse!). It's not the most accessible musical option when it's performed in Russian or Italian and when it's performed in English it's just plain bad. And while Sharleen may have laid the groundwork for opera singers everywhere to break into the pop culture universe that is The Bachelor(ette), she did so by defying or conventional collective mental image rather than embracing them. Bradley's over-coiffed hair, traditional suit, and uncanny resemblance to the very smug-faced Nathan Fillion didn't exactly break down any boundaries, and I don't see him making it too far.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 3
I did find it pretty endearing that Bradley ran into the scenery on his way into the house. What do we think it says about me that I find clumsiness to be the height of charm?
Background (B): 1
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1
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| If cheese and cats must mix, this is how I feel it should be done. |
Okay, I'm just going to dispense with all formalities right now and say, what the Hell was the deal with Josh B.? Pretty much like every other guy on this season of The Bachelorette he made a nice, completely unobjectionable entrance that remained in my brain for exactly as long as it took that commercial for cheese-flavored cat food to come on Hulu (I don't know why, you guys, but that stuff really grosses me out. I know that I don't actually have to eat it, and that cats, like all God's creatures, really are entitled to enjoy delicious cheese, but for some reason every time it comes on I have to avert my eyes and get my gag reflex under control), had a nice, completely unobjectionable face and generally lived through the evening without distinguishing himself in any sort of way that I would characterize as embarrassing. And yet, clearly something about what happened that night didn't sit right with Josh, and he went on a ridiculous tare on his way on the door that undid all of his, fine under the radar work. What do we think could have happened? Is it possible that he had never seen an episode of this fine program and didn't understand how it worked? Was he promised some alone time with Chris Harrison? Did he have a past traumatic experience that now triggers some sort of cheers-related PTSD? All questions that we're just going to have to live with not knowing the answers to.
Nick S. - SP: 39
Attraction (a): 4
There's been a lot of attention paid over the past couple of years to how The Bachelor franchise deals with diversity. And in the seasons since the lawsuit, a some what middling amount of attention has been paid to diversifying the cast with a smattering of minorities as well as a Latino Bachelor and now Jewish Bachelorette. However, Nick S. represents a different kind of diversity, one which, I don't believe we've ever seen before. He's the first ever balding Bachelorette contestant. He represents a far larger subgroup than Juan Pablo ever did (obviously, I mean jagholes) and seems funny, outgoing and charming. I'm glad Andi kept him around despite his less than typically luscious crop of hair, and I'm going to be rooting for him to go far, even if I ultimately don't think he will.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
I think I can officially call it. I'm always against guys showing up outside of the limo.
Background (B): 5
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1
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