Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.
Marcus - SP: 435
Attraction (a): 10
Andi's definitely a cards-close-to-the-vest kind of Bachelorette (but not so close that it bestows a modicum of modesty onto her cleavage), so the fact that she broke her "just happy to be here" character for a moment definitely says something about how she really feels). Featured Scene Percentage (P): 6
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 2
Background (B): 5
She did seem a little disappointed to discover he was this worldly Europhile rather than a Texas Good Ole' Boy (which, if we're being honest, my Dad won't even buy German cars, so there's no way Hy is letting that sprechen sie Deutsch win his daughter's hand), but really isn't it every Jewish girl's dream to marry a man with Texas values? (That's why Diane Feinstein is constantly getting called out for doodling "Mrs. Rick Perry <3 on her congressional binders).
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 5
And someone, I can't see Andi being amused when he explains to her that everyone has a mistress in Paris
Chris - SP: 245
Attraction (a): 7
The fact that Andi said she could love the kind of lifestyle that she would have living on a farm (and I assume constantly hanging out with her mother-in-law) means there's gotta be something cooking. I have every amount of faith that she would not be happy on a farm, but the fact that she is so obviously not at all concerned about furthering her legal career rather weakens the arguments that she is a different kind of Bachelorette.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 7
This is almost certainly biased as compared to the rest of these tall, dark and generics, Chris has a rather distinctive face. Plus, I'm pretty sure one of the scenes was him crying on the way to the limo ride of shame.
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0
Background (B): 5
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
Because, well, pigs. And rural Iowa.
J.J. - SP: 640
Attraction (a): 8
Because how can she not be attracted to a guy who actually knows a synonym for journey?
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| Is it weird that he's more attractive here than in a suit? |
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 8
I think. I'm not entirely sure I can tell the difference between J.J. and one or more of the assorted Joshes.
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 4
Points for carrying the whole thing off with confidence (bowtie included), but minus points for revealing a possible intimate familiarity with magic cards.
Background (B): 6
I like to think that pantsapreneurs just appear one day, emerging like Venus from an oyster shell, to provide us all with the choice to go that extra day without shaving our legs.
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
His life is fun fur, sequins, and pants. Never before has he been distracted by a human woman...until now.
Marquel - SP: 175
Attraction (a): 5
Because when a man makes a super subtle joke about black and white cookies and biracial dating, "comfortable" isn't exactly what you should feel.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 7
Though I sense he's going to be more of a pot-stirrer than a front runner
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0
Background (B): 5
Seriously, if you watch one bio video, watch Marquel's. It's amazing and it makes me just a little bit in love with him. Probably, it's because he and I have such similar values. Cookies are also the motivating factor for the vast majority of my life decisions as well.
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
Chris: Pigs :: Marquel: Cookies. I don't understand why the SAT is doing away with analogies. It's clearly an invaluable life skill!
Tasos - SP: 90
Attraction (a): 2
The man spoke French to her and she was utterly unmoved. She called him "handsome." This is not a man who's actually in contention to win Andi's heart.
Featured Scene Percentage (P): 5
Definitely as a fringe dweller to all the drama. I'm guessing the best case scenarios for Tasos is a few zinging one-liners to punctuate his utter lack of screen time.
Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
But only because he revealed his ignorance of the franchise as part of his opening shtick. Yes, Tasos. Yes, she's heard of love locks. They do it or its equivalent on every season of the Bachelor. Some intern who went 20 rounds with the tourism board in Palau is now swearing that she will have her revenge.
Background (B): 4
Pantsaprenuers...wedding planners...it's almost as if ABC recruited for this season from Bravo's reality cast-offs.
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
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