Week 2, The Girl

So, I have to confess, I've been feeling just a little bit of Bachelorette block. Perhaps it's because, as he is currently doing to Nikki, Juan Pablo zapped me of my will to live (woah, sorry guys. Apparently Bachelorette block comes with a side of dark), or perhaps it's because you can really on write so many posts the punchline of which is Chris Harrison wearing a Carmen Miranda hat. But whatever the reason, this week, I'm going to write up something of a brain dump capturing all of my notes. I thought about just scanning my notes and posting the image here,  but if I don't know what "baby boat shoes - but first you have to muddle the mint" means, I can't imagine others will have considerably more luck piecing them together. So here we go. First:

A picture of your devoted
commissioner

Assorted Musings on Andi:
- How did Andi make it through last season without going in a helicopter? She must have forgotten to list "crippling fear of heights and hourly radio traffic reports" on her interview sheet.
- I like that Andi cussed a lot through the whole snowboarding date. I'm not sure it quite qualifies her as a "different kind of Bachelorette," but what's more relatable than a few effenheimers (What's that you say? It's not using the word effenheimer like an octogenarian at his granddaughter's spoken word recital? Okay. Noted.)
- Andi loves her some hyperbole. Saying a guy is good at everything and then proceeding to define everything as "snowboarding" doesn't really make for a super impressive n.
- A few of you have already mentioned that Andi's y'all is getting on your nerves. I'm not so fussed about that, but the phrase "Stop It" really might be the end of me. It's not even the frequency that really gets to me, but the wholly improper usage that's really sticking in my craw (apparently this blog post has been brought to you by Fixodine denture cream. Deal with it!). Just for future reference under the incredibly unlikely circumstances that Andi a) reads this blog and b) actually quit her job after bumping her head on a bathroom sink and inventing the flux capacitor (which, by the way, wouldn't you watch the hell out of a made-for-TV movie that followed a Bachelorette who could time travel as she went back time after time to see if things worked out differently if she picked another gentleman suitor? The lead could be played by Hillary Duff. Her romantic prospects some unholy amalgamation of Eddie Cibrian, Mario Lopez, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Tia and/or Tiara Mowry would be required to play the sassy friend/fairy godmother if the plot called for one).

  Acceptable Usage:
     Stevie J.: I used to be in a boy band. They made me dance in the back after several 12-year-old girls reported having nightmares about my facial hair.
     Andi: Stop It!

  Unacceptable Usage:
     Eric: I was in Syria at great peril to my life.
     Andi: Stop It!

- Andi also threw down some serious hypocrisy this week, making the men strip after last season's justified, but sadly aborted, nudity fit. Especially since "Bachelor Gives Back" does not qualify as a good cause. It's only a g-string of legitimacy away from a Ponzi Scheme.
- AND WHY DO THEY ALWAYS MAKE THE TEACHERS GET NAKED? AND WHY DID BRIAN BEING COOL WITH IT RAISE HIM IN ANDI'S ESTEEM? I seriously need a third level of caps lock to appropriately express my angry angryness (also, apparently, a thesaurus)
- And finally, directly from my notes, penned as eloquently as could ever be written even with the gentle revisions of the tidal passage of time:

WOAH. BOOBS!