Week 2, The Scores

More brain dumpage ahead! But this time, I've tagged it as important, so you'll know that I'm a liar!

	Andrew – 5 +5 for a rose
	Bradley – 15 Important Info: I don't know what it is about Bradley that makes me want to wipe his smug aria-singing grin off his smug opera-loving face (probably the same mechanism that leads me to write sentences that are such utter nonsense), but I don't like him! See, I told you it was going to be important! +5 for a rose +10 for plugging his career
	Brett – 10 Important Info: I seriously love Brett. The lamp in week one fed naturally into this week's sock puppet romp. I hope we someday get to hear him talk. +5 for a Rose Bonus: +5 for playing with sock puppets. Because seriously sock puppets! (Or more accurately, talentless, aspirationless socks transformed into stars!).
	Brian – 15 Important Info: I've already gone over my whole teacher-nudity schpiel (and for those of you who want more, my white paper on the subject will be out by the end of the month), but while I'm not exactly bothered by his promise of going to church, they better show some serious conversations about religion this year. There's just no way that's not kind of a big deal. +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for taking the most predictable route to Andi's heart - nudity
	Carl – 0 Eliminated Important Info: No points for Carl on his way out the door, but all I can say is, on a season of limited eye candy, I would not have sent Carl packing looking like that in those glasses.
	Chris – 70 Important Info: I'm liking Chris and not just because midway through that date he was every bit as shiny as I'd be if I had to appear on National TV or make important decisions about who was going to Win, Place, and Show (or if I was forced to walk outside for 5 minutes...or if I ate some soup...I come from sweaty stock!). I doubt that he's going to go the distance though as Andi seemed to be contorting herself into a veritable back bend to cope with his rather aggressive kisses +15 for Andi commenting on his attractiveness +10 for revealing a personal tragedy +10 for being told he was perfect for his date +10 for being treated to a concert by a band I've never heard of +5 for kissing on a one-on-one +20 for a date rose
	Cody – 5 Important Info: There was a heated debate in the Robertson Division about whether Cody looked more like Mr. Incredible (of Pixar fame) or Sean Lowe. I personally think he's the spitting image of Brace. For those of you who somehow aren't Gigolos devotees: yes, that man is an aging male prostitute who's living out his very own version of Pretty Woman wherein Richard Gere = Reality TV.    +5 for a rose
	Craig – 50 Eliminated Important Info: At least he went down in a blaze of glory! To be hoenst, for me, the whole Craig thing was the most boring part of the episode. It just wasn't believable that getting massively drunk and stealing screen time wasn't exactly what he wanted. I will say that Andi, by virtue of not leaving him sobbing in a bathroom, is yet another leg up on her predecessor. +25 for extreme intoxication +5 for unintentional nudity Bonus: +10 for stuffing his g-string +10 for what certainly couldn't be considered a plug for his singing career, but was kind of adorable regardless
	Dylan – 25 Important Info: Boston Townie and greasy hockey hair is basically a summary of 75% of my dating history, so obviously Dylan is doing it for me. Chris Harrison tried to hide it, but Dylan's doing it for him as well.  +5 for a rose Bonus: +15 for giving Chris Harrison a lap dance +5 for earning a very special Chris Harrison spank
	Eric – 40 Important Info: Sigh. Their level of conversation was certainly a step up from that which we're usually treated to on The Bachelorette. +10 for having Andi comment on his attractiveness +10 for being called the perfect person for that particular date +20 for a date rose
	J.J. – 15 +10 for being pissed about not getting a one-on-one date +5 for a rose
	Josh – 35 Important Info: Well, thank god the show broke through some important barriers this week! I'm sure athletes around the world rejoiced to find that someone is finally tackling the hot button issue of sports figure stereotyping! While Josh's dithering and blushing really was rather charming, if I were Andi, I'd be making a black mark next to anyone who seemed so familiar and so comfortable with the ins and outs of lap dancing. +10 kissing in a group date setting +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for giving Andi a lap dance +10 for complaining about the plight of the talented and muscular man!
	Marcus – 30 Important Info: Is it me or is Marcus way hairier than the standard Bachelorette contestant? That's gotta be his European side because, if memory serves, those Texas boys really know how to wax! Secondly, the following leads me to believe that Marcus really might be perfect for Andi: "Nervous, anxious - all these different emotions are going through my head." Either someone needs to get that boy a set emotions refrigerator magnets or he's been borrowing Andi's dictionary to define the word "all." +10 for Andi commenting on his attractiveness +20 for a date rose
	Marquel – 5 Important Info: I'm also kinda feeling Marquel. He's got some grade A cocky flirting game and his ability to mix patterns is the makings of the choreographed dream sequence in the musical biopic: Tim Gunn: I Just Gotta be Me! +5 for a rose
	Nick S. - 5 Eliminated Important Info: Jason on Nick S.'s post-exit robot interview; "If this were the whole show, I'd watch it." +5 for unintentional nudity
	Nick V. – 10 Important Info: I don't get it, but I am hopeful that Nick V. has the slightly doughy, incredibly pasty body his face suggests because that would bring some real diversity to this season. His conversation with Andi this week left me wondering if the reason this show keeps failing to produce everlasting love is because they recruit people looking for a magical, mystical "connection" rather than someone who actually knows what they want.  +5 for a rose Bonus: +5 for planning a mini-date complete with date card...I guess...through my cringing...
	Patrick – 5 Important Info: What do we think Andrew would say about Patrick's regrettable barbed wire tattoo? does he lose his claim to being a cut above the rest? +5 for a rose
	Ron – 5 Important Info: I have to say, I missed how attractive Ron was until this week, but the show's blatant tokenism probably means he'll play perpetual second fiddle to Marquel.  +5 for a rose

Tasos – 15 Important Info: Tasos this week: "The card said 'bare your soul' like 'bare naked....'" Also like the correct grammatical usage of the word "bare." You know, just FYI. +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for demonstrating that a lack of understanding of homophones isn't holding him back from a perfect understanding of Bachelor producers love of a good pun.

Week 2, The Girl

So, I have to confess, I've been feeling just a little bit of Bachelorette block. Perhaps it's because, as he is currently doing to Nikki, Juan Pablo zapped me of my will to live (woah, sorry guys. Apparently Bachelorette block comes with a side of dark), or perhaps it's because you can really on write so many posts the punchline of which is Chris Harrison wearing a Carmen Miranda hat. But whatever the reason, this week, I'm going to write up something of a brain dump capturing all of my notes. I thought about just scanning my notes and posting the image here,  but if I don't know what "baby boat shoes - but first you have to muddle the mint" means, I can't imagine others will have considerably more luck piecing them together. So here we go. First:

A picture of your devoted
commissioner

Assorted Musings on Andi:
- How did Andi make it through last season without going in a helicopter? She must have forgotten to list "crippling fear of heights and hourly radio traffic reports" on her interview sheet.
- I like that Andi cussed a lot through the whole snowboarding date. I'm not sure it quite qualifies her as a "different kind of Bachelorette," but what's more relatable than a few effenheimers (What's that you say? It's not using the word effenheimer like an octogenarian at his granddaughter's spoken word recital? Okay. Noted.)
- Andi loves her some hyperbole. Saying a guy is good at everything and then proceeding to define everything as "snowboarding" doesn't really make for a super impressive n.
- A few of you have already mentioned that Andi's y'all is getting on your nerves. I'm not so fussed about that, but the phrase "Stop It" really might be the end of me. It's not even the frequency that really gets to me, but the wholly improper usage that's really sticking in my craw (apparently this blog post has been brought to you by Fixodine denture cream. Deal with it!). Just for future reference under the incredibly unlikely circumstances that Andi a) reads this blog and b) actually quit her job after bumping her head on a bathroom sink and inventing the flux capacitor (which, by the way, wouldn't you watch the hell out of a made-for-TV movie that followed a Bachelorette who could time travel as she went back time after time to see if things worked out differently if she picked another gentleman suitor? The lead could be played by Hillary Duff. Her romantic prospects some unholy amalgamation of Eddie Cibrian, Mario Lopez, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Tia and/or Tiara Mowry would be required to play the sassy friend/fairy godmother if the plot called for one).

  Acceptable Usage:
     Stevie J.: I used to be in a boy band. They made me dance in the back after several 12-year-old girls reported having nightmares about my facial hair.
     Andi: Stop It!

  Unacceptable Usage:
     Eric: I was in Syria at great peril to my life.
     Andi: Stop It!

- Andi also threw down some serious hypocrisy this week, making the men strip after last season's justified, but sadly aborted, nudity fit. Especially since "Bachelor Gives Back" does not qualify as a good cause. It's only a g-string of legitimacy away from a Ponzi Scheme.
- AND WHY DO THEY ALWAYS MAKE THE TEACHERS GET NAKED? AND WHY DID BRIAN BEING COOL WITH IT RAISE HIM IN ANDI'S ESTEEM? I seriously need a third level of caps lock to appropriately express my angry angryness (also, apparently, a thesaurus)
- And finally, directly from my notes, penned as eloquently as could ever be written even with the gentle revisions of the tidal passage of time:

WOAH. BOOBS!

Week 1, The Draft: Prospect Report, Limo 5

Because I aim to be nothing but helpful (it's true. Everywhere I go, people follow me and say. "See that girl? Boy is she helpful!"....at least that's what I've always assumed the word "mean" means), I'm going to start this round of the league by handicapping the prospects for this weekend's draft using a complicated statistic that I've developed based equally on my mathematical acumen (I test at roughly a 7th grade level) and my pension for complete BS.

Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.

Brian - SP: 4

Attraction (a): 4?
When archaeologists uncover the wreckage of my house 100s of years from now and dig up by miraculously non-biodegraded Bachelor notebooks (because Paper source makes a quality product), the only thing they shall learn about Brian is that he was "from Pennsylvania." Seriously, even looking at this guy's picture, I got nothin'.

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0

Background (B): 1

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1


Andrew - SP: 145

Attraction (a): 5

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 5

This guy is obviously terrible, and the only question that now remains is if Cody's particular brand of steroid-fueled rage will overshadow his more refined brand of douchebaggery in the early goings of this year's season. From his not-so-veiled implication that Patrick and he were a cut above the rest to pretty much the entirety of his bio video, Andrew's face is pretty clearly just begging to be punched. 

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 3
Seriously, if I were Andi, I would have sent this guy home on night one. The Andrew and Andi thing that he so willingly pointed out absolutely should be a dealbreaker.

Background (B): 3
Now, I'm not Freudian, but I am a big believer in the important kind of messaging transmitted into the world by phallic automotives clearly meant to compensate for something. And Formula 1 vehicles are clearly the king of the penis cars.

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 5


Mike - SP: 0

Attraction (a): 0

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 0
Sigh. I hate when the Bachelor/ette sends home contestants about whom I still have so many questions. The role of Camps, as played by Alex Winter (aka Bill S. Preston) left me with so many questions about his character. Why does he need an engineering degree to bartend? And why does bartending mean that he gets to take the summers off? And does his 9-month a year bartending gig really keep him in all the crop tops that he really needs? And now we shall never know. 

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 4
I thought this was actually pretty cute, though apparently had it actually been real life, she would have taken that number he presented to her and tossed it in a half-drunk glass of scotch along with a pointedly discarded cigarette butt. 

Background (B): 0
Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0

Eric 
I can't, in good conscience, write a single thing about Eric except to say that he seemed really nice and interesting and it's all very, very sad.

I know it's sports, but it seems
like a waste of a killer "Blue
Steel" face if they weren't going
to let him shower.

Josh M.- SP: 495

Attraction (a): 10

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 10
I think...due to aforementioned J.J. confusion

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0

Background (B): 5
Josh is another Bachelorette archetype: the former athlete whose heart of gold (read: lack of talents and women throwing their panties at him) led him to give it all up and look toward starting a family. 

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 5
Andi seems to have her suspicions about Josh, but part o me really thinks that going out on the road and discovering that most women don't want to sleep with a 17-year old is actually, in many ways, more grounding that going to college and discovering that hundreds do!

Week 1, The Draft: Prospect Report, Limo 4

Because I aim to be nothing but helpful (it's true. Everywhere I go, people follow me and say. "See that girl? Boy is she helpful!"....at least that's what I've always assumed the word "mean" means), I'm going to start this round of the league by handicapping the prospects for this weekend's draft using a complicated statistic that I've developed based equally on my mathematical acumen (I test at roughly a 7th grade level) and my pension for complete BS.

Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.

Craig - SP: 16
Attraction (a): 1
There is a fun-loving guy on each season of The Bachelorette who is kept around as as equal parts non-threatening and unattractive friend. That guy is always named Craig.

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
Awkward, no. Ill-advised, yes. 

Background (B): 3
Craig's background video basically played out like halfway through he realized his boss was in the room. Craig on being an accountant, "I'm definitely adding up numbers, but in my head I'm thinking about fun things...When 4:35 rolls around, I'm definitely not thinking about getting our of there. I'm, like, primed to work more." The combination of this magic and the fact that Bachelorette filming coincided perfectly with tax seasons, leads me to believe Craig might not currently have a job.

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Ron - SP: 2

Attraction (a): 1

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0

Background (B): 1
Ron is from Israel and Barbados and was more excited about a prospect of getting a drink than hanging out longer with Andi. I think that's probably enough.

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Bradley - SP: 16
Attraction (a): 4
Let's be honest. Elmer Fudd over there is really our nation's foremost affiliation with male opera singers. So much so, in fact, that when I did a google search for "three tenors" multiple pictures of the three amigos came up (Stupid, smug google. I'll tell you what I'm looking for. Not the reverse!). It's not the most accessible musical option when it's performed in Russian or Italian and when it's performed in English it's just plain bad. And while Sharleen may have laid the groundwork for opera singers everywhere to break into the pop culture universe that is The Bachelor(ette), she did so by defying or conventional collective mental image rather than embracing them. Bradley's over-coiffed hair, traditional suit, and uncanny resemblance to the very smug-faced Nathan Fillion didn't exactly break down any boundaries, and I don't see him making it too far. 

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 3
I did find it pretty endearing that Bradley ran into the scenery on his way into the house. What do we think it says about me that I find clumsiness to be the height of charm?

Background (B): 1

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1

If cheese and cats must mix, this is how I feel it should be done.

Josh B.- SP: 0
Okay, I'm just going to dispense with all formalities right now and say, what the Hell was the deal with Josh B.? Pretty much like every other guy on this season of The Bachelorette he made a nice, completely unobjectionable entrance that remained in my brain for exactly as long as it took that commercial for cheese-flavored cat food to come on Hulu (I don't know why, you guys, but that stuff really grosses me out. I know that I don't actually have to eat it, and that cats, like all God's creatures, really are entitled to enjoy delicious cheese, but for some reason every time it comes on I have to avert my eyes and get my gag reflex under control), had a nice, completely unobjectionable face and generally lived through the evening without distinguishing himself in any sort of way that I would characterize as embarrassing.  And yet, clearly something about what happened that night didn't sit right with Josh, and he went on a ridiculous tare on his way on the door that undid all of his, fine under the radar work. What do we think could have happened? Is it possible that he had never seen an episode of this fine program and didn't understand how it worked? Was he promised some alone time with Chris Harrison? Did he have a past traumatic experience that now triggers some sort of cheers-related PTSD? All questions that we're just going to have to live with not knowing the answers to. 


Nick S. - SP: 39

Attraction (a): 4
There's been a lot of attention paid over the past couple of years to how The Bachelor franchise deals with diversity. And in the seasons since the lawsuit, a some what middling amount of attention has been paid to diversifying the cast with a smattering of minorities as well as a Latino Bachelor and now Jewish Bachelorette. However, Nick S. represents a different kind of diversity, one which, I don't believe we've ever seen before. He's the first ever balding Bachelorette contestant. He represents a far larger subgroup than Juan Pablo ever did (obviously, I mean jagholes) and seems funny, outgoing and charming. I'm glad Andi kept him around despite his less than typically luscious crop of hair, and I'm going to be rooting for him to go far, even if I ultimately don't think he will.

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
I think I can officially call it. I'm always against guys showing up outside of the limo.

Background (B): 5

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1

Week 1, The Draft: Prospect Report, Limo 3

Because I aim to be nothing but helpful (it's true. Everywhere I go, people follow me and say. "See that girl? Boy is she helpful!"....at least that's what I've always assumed the word "mean" means), I'm going to start this round of the league by handicapping the prospects for this weekend's draft using a complicated statistic that I've developed based equally on my mathematical acumen (I test at roughly a 7th grade level) and my pension for complete BS.

Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.

Nick V. - SP: 90

Attraction (a): 5
I don't know quite what to do with Nick. On the one hand, Andi claimed to have felt an immediate connection and attraction to him, but on the other hand, "I'm usually not that attracted to..." generally doesn't mean, "Suddenly evolutionary biology has produced a plot twist." It's more, "I just had a terrible experience with someone attractive, and I'm trying something out." Remember when Angelina Jolie slummed it with Brad Pitt after things went South with Billy Bob Thornton?

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 6
Nick V. is the clear and away frontrunner for guy who gets way too into it way too fast. Now he just needs to decide what kind of tattoo will go best with polka dots. 

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 3

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0

Dylan - SP: 280

In the Bachelor-world, this pose is synonymous with deep
thought and emotion.

Attraction (a): 7
Why? Because Dylan is attractive. Just objectively. Also they had that whole cute flirtation, personal bubble thing. It worked. 

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 4

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 2

Background (B): 8
I don't know if anyone else watched the bio videos, but Dylan is about to take us all on a journey right to tragedy town. Not only has a really disconcerting percentage of his family passed away, but many of them have done so recently. In fact, my concern with Dylan is that it might be just a little too recent and that he was just a little too willing to share. Like the head injury guy from Des' season, Dylan desperately needs some nurturing care which, at least in our society, just isn't really in keeping with hanging out in a house with 25 men.

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Patrick - SP: 62

Attraction (a): 5
Obviously, Andi is less attracted to him than Andrew is. 

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 3

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 8
Because you know what makes for a meaningful entrance? Symbolism!

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 2

Emil - SP: 0

Attraction (a): 0

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 0

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 8
Poor, poor Emil. This was yet another case of not knowing his audience. I actually thought he seemed pretty handsome and charming and for a bit there, I think Andi might have too. But then he opened his mouth about the whole "anal" thing, and it was pretty much all downhill from there. I'm not saying it was a good line, and had he been, say, teaching some essential concept to 7th graders, I'm sure it would have been an effective and invaluable mnemonic, but it's probably not the best approach in the world to win a date with a sequin-clad daughter of the South.

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0

Brett - SP: 18

Attraction (a): 3
  There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that Andi doesn't get Brett. She mentioned on her blog that when he handed her the lamp, he kept waiting for the punchline. But the punchline was the lamp. I personally find his quirkiness delightful and could probably even be persuaded to overlook what, it is increasingly clear, is a hipster mullet (the most pernicious of all mullets, the hipster mullet is known for wearing glasses without lenses and knowing about that band you like way before they got big), but I can't see him hanging in with Andi for more than a couple weeks

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 1

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
I guess. If you're not the kind of person who sees the awesome humor in overly-literal translations of motherly advice.

Background (B): 1
We know he has a mother! Which, this year, is kind of big.

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0

Week 1, The Draft: Prospect Report, Limo 2

Because I aim to be nothing but helpful (it's true. Everywhere I go, people follow me and say. "See that girl? Boy is she helpful!"....at least that's what I've always assumed the word "mean" means), I'm going to start this round of the league by handicapping the prospects for this weekend's draft using a complicated statistic that I've developed based equally on my mathematical acumen (I test at roughly a 7th grade level) and my pension for complete BS.

Below, I give you the Staying Power (SP) rating for each of the men based on their performance in episode 1. I'll confess to actually watching the bios ABC helpfully posted on the website just because the first episode gave us so little to go on. I will also confess being ashamed about watching the bios - extra content is where I try to draw the line! For more detail on the hours of careful thought (read: metro ride) that went into Staying Power (SP = a*P(E+B) - L, see my earlier post.


Cody - SP: 40

Attraction (a): 1
This guy is 100% a producer plant. The only way he could be less of Andi's type is if he actually he spoke in heavily accented Spanish and told her it was "okay." The only consideration here is how many episodes she'll be forced to keep him before Chris Harrison gives her the nod to send him home. 

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 4
I'm thinking it's going to be the Dave Good kind of drama where he mixes it up at a few cocktail parties, and gets to exchange maybe three words total with Andi.

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 8
You gotta know your audience. Andi was equally as unimpressed by his show of strength as likely was aware of the fact that cars in neutral really aren't that hard to push. Now, if he had cut on the bottom, and was propelling it forward Fred Flinstone-style, I think we all would have agreed he should stay.


Background (B): 0 
We know nothing about his background, but if history has taught us anything, I'm pretty sure we can predict his future. He'll get in a few great one-liners at the men tell all, will go on to participate on Bachelor Pad and someone how emerge victorious having said only four words the whole season. He'll earn the ire of the entire internet, but it won't serve to lessen his love of self-tanner, his propensity for soul patches, or prevent him from fulfilling his weeks-long dream of opening a bar in Arlington, VA. We've been down this road before, Cody. And it's gonna work out just swell. 

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Steven - SP: 0

Attraction (a): 5
Of all the long-haired stoner--types that they confusingly introduced on this season (Perhaps a cutting commentary on mandatory minimums and the different standards that Andi, as a gang prosecutor is forced to uphold for different demographically-linked crimes? Yeah, that's probably it), Steven was the one with whom I thought there was some actual chemistry. I hope she's not planning to harken back to the the kiss 'em and cut 'em approach to the Bachelor as favored by Ben.

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 0

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 0
Though perhaps, secretly, the decision was made the second he made fun of her habitual y'all. 

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Rudy - SP: 0

Attraction (a): 0

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 0

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 5
Poor Rudy. I actually thought his little homemade voluntary 4th waiver hit the sweet spot of putting yourself out there and charm, but I suppose if Andi wanted to date a lawyer, she could probably swing that without uprooting her whole life. 

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0


Carl - SP: 50

Attraction (a): 5

I looked at a disconcerting number
of these calendars, and apparently
Canadians feel differently about fire
imagery than we do here in the US...

Carl is pretty much straight out of a FDFL Calendar. He also seems to have roughly the personality of a Mr. February print. 

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 2

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 2

Background (B): 3
We know that Carl knows how to find California on a globe. And that he kind of knows where Ft. Lauderdale is. He'll may in time prove me wrong with all kinds of harrowing tales of heroism, but as of right now, I'm guessing we now know roughly a third of what there is to know about Carl. 

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 1


Jason - SP: 0

Attraction (a): 0
Because apparently the only thing Andi finds less attractive than long hair is being in Limo Two.

Featured Scene Percentage (P): 0

Awkwardness of Entrance (E): 10
We talked about this last time 'round with, Larry. Jason obviously reads my blog and benefited from my infinite wisdom as he at least managed to work in that he was a doctor, but seriously, just mentioning that fact is enough! I know the acting surgeon general probably has a lot of really important things to do, but if he could some how see fit to advise against the use of corny pick up lines unless they can be deployed with something approaching confidence, he would really spare us all a considerable amount of trouble.

Background (B): 0

Likelihood of Having a Girlfriend Back Home (L): 0
Because apparently he has "nothing to go back to" - except for, you know, the whole thing with saving lives.