Perhaps it seems that Clare is the more obvious choice here given her monastic devotion to the pillars of Bachelor Pad life. Flirting, having sex, making wildly inappropriate and not at all subtle toasts, and, of course, crying. But I have to say, her reaction to everything that happened at the cocktail party this week was just a little too...well...sensible....a little too understandable for the televised summer of sin. Clare had been putting out (I have never intended a pun more vehemently in my life) strong craziness vibes heading into this week, but she disrupted the delicate ecosystem of her own insanity through her authentic confusion and remorse.
No, better to focus instead on the man who is to blame for all the drama that transpired this week. Better to focus on Juan Pablo. I think it's no secret that ABC is really regretting choosing Juan Pablo to be the Bachelor. They took a gamble on an unknown quantity that the screaming legions of American women badly wanted to see (which - who are these women they find for all of these studio tapings? Should I be concerned about my level of life satisfaction because I don't have any friends who squeal?) and wound up with someone who is "more pervert" on screen and "more terrible at making decisions and being a likable human" off screen than they ever could have imaged.
But despite the fact that Juan Pablo is pretty much making a mockery of the Bachelor process and, you know, human decency, he would have been perfect for Bachelor Pad. He has Chris Bukowski's rare knack for sleeping with women and then making them feel instantly terrible about it; he has inconsistent standards about what he is and is not willing to let his daughter see; and he's the quickest rationalizer in the West (i.e., Ben's 8, so Renee shouldn't kiss anyone, but Camila's 4, so that means - if you carry the one and round to the nearest whole number - that I should kiss...all the people. And probably sleep with at least 3 or 4 of them, you know, to account for the margin of error). He could author, direct, and star in a one man Bachelor Pad show (the critically-reviled off-off-Broadway production of "Will You Accept this Cess Pool?") so adept is he at the way of the franchise offshoot where all pretenses are dropped. At least the Bachelor Pad producers can take comfort in knowing that, by the time their casting season rolls around again, there's a 98.947% chance that Juan Pablo will be both available and single.
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