Week 5, The Scores

Well, if the good folks at ABC can't be bothered to take us through a whole week this episode, then I certainly can't be bothered to post more than one blog. I still find myself capable of liking Kaitlyn, if, perhaps, just a little bit leery of her decision-making ability, but I also find myself ready to fast-forward to the end. I mostly watch this show for the drama, to see the choices that atypical people make when put in an equally atypical situation and expected to act like it's dinner and a movie with a girl that came highly recommended by their grandmother's bridge friends. But it seems that, even I, with my cynicism and love of emotional pain (But not physical pain. Can't we all just get our hearts broken at the zoo?) need at least a single iota of belief that this could actually work out to invest in it in any way. And this year, that's been taken away. By taping the happy ending of Kaitlyn's date with Nick, it seems the producers have robbed us of that (and note - I blame the producers here. Kaitlyn is making the choice that many of her forebearers have made, from Thomas Jefferson to Juan Pablo. It was the choice to air it that was unique. And really, really dumb). And as a result, I just find it really hard to care. Kaitlyn may "find love" at the end of this. She may get engaged and be treated to a few months in the tabloids. But with what everyone now knows (rather than what was just the subject of rampant speculation in years past), means she's not getting married to any of these guys. Unless she winds up picking Nick. And does anyone really want her to wind up with Nick? Anyway, on to the scores. If nothing else, at least we can all remain motivated by this season's prize...as you all know, Chris Harrison wrote a book!

	Ben H. – 10 Bonus: +10 for inventing Kaitlyn's fictitious death by pigeons. It's probably not going to make her any more capable of walking through parks, but it was hilarious. Important Info: Ben is normal and sincere and almost certainly about to go from feeling like he's "better at being alive when he's around Kaitlyn" to feeling like he's "better at being alive" when he is as far away as possible from this show.
	Ben Z. – 25 +5 for a rose +10 for kissing in a group date setting Bonus: +10 for facing, if not a personal fear than certainly a personal moment of hell. Important Info: No matter how you look at it the wake date was weird and probably sort of disrespectful. But making Ben Z. come on the date, Ben Z. who probably eulogized his own mother at the age of 12, was just plain wrong. The least Kaitlyn could have done was treat him to a Cranberries concert.
	Chris - 10 +5 for a rose Bonus: +5 for creating an Irish lament that included flossing. The Irish are known for their concern about dental hygiene. Important Info: At the start of this episode, dentist Chris shared that he has never once second guessed Kaitlyn. This means very little considering it also seems he didn't second guess the shiny crimson suit he wore for the rose ceremony this week.
	Ian – 65 Eliminated +35 for following through on the threat he made last week and leaving the show. I bet Kaitlyn is pissed she didn't get to kick him off. Bonus: +20 for his inspired limo plug for being the next Bachelor. Something tells me this isn't going to happen... +10 for saying "I need to have sex." Spoken like the deepest of intellectual greats. Important Info: While Ian can probably take some comfort in the fact that Kaitlyn admitted that she is not as deep as he is, I just want to go on record as saying that he definitely could have learned himself some dumb movie quotes at Princeton. I'm sure they have a pretentious eating club devoted to that.
	Jared – 50 +5 for a rose +20 for a date rose +20 (10 x 2) for kissing in two group date setting +5 for being treated to a private concert of a band I have heard of. Important Info: With Shawn falling apart and Nick...being Nick, it seems like Jared is emerging as the new front runner. Too bad any momentum he has is going to be cut off at the needs by the aftermath of the sex scandal.
	J. J. – 5 +5 for a rose Important Info: Now that J.J. has relinquished his role as villain, he's been able to devote himself full-time to being the show's Shawn whisperer. This week, he sagely noted that Shawn could use a good cry.
	Joe – 15 +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for validating how special Nick must feel before throwing in the clever little jab about Shawn's similar treatment in earlier weeks. Important Info: I cannot wait to see Joe destroy J.J. in the two-on-one next week. I just really hope it doesn't get overshadowed by the far less interesting ongoing saga of Nick.
	Joshua – 20 Eliminated +20 (10 x 2) for crying while having to listen to other men cheering Important Info: I look forward to seeing Joe make a quick connection with and then almost immediately feel stifled by on of the clingier of the ladies on Bachelor in Paradise.
	Justin – 0 Eliminated Important Info: According to Kaitlyn, she's never had so many people question her. But clearly Justin's unshakable faith in her was only enough to earn him a one-week stay of execution. Seems like everyone might as well keep doubting her! Nick – 100 +15 for kissing in a group date setting in front of Shawn +5 for kissing in a one-on-one setting +20 for date rose +50 for non-sanctioned fantasy suite activities +10 for giving Kaitlyn a gift Important Info: Nick really had a banner week. From swooping in to take advantage of the Ian situation, to casually but repeatedly mentioning the quality time he spent in Kaitlyn's room, the man was at his manipulative best, subtle but always in control. And if his manipulations were subtle, even harder to detect is what is it about Nick that allows him to win over, at the very least, the vaginas of all these girls. But clearly both Andi and Kaitlyn were really feeling his "passion," so it must be something that just doesn't translate well to our TVs.
	Shawn – 60 +10 for kissing in a group date setting +15 for threatening to leave and not yet following through +20 for stealing unsanctioned time with Kaitlyn Bonus: +5 for sharing pictures of his family +10 for offhandedly attributing his trust issues to his parents terrible divorce. Important Info: Sean says he's not a fake person, and I believe him. In part because I'm not sure he's smart enough to pull off something on the scale of Nick's trickery, but also just because he extreme reactions have been those of someone who doesn't understand that this is all a game. However, I worry his realness and sincerity is going to land him a slot as the next Bachelor, and, unless he has a secret personality that he's been hiding away, I just really, really can't. I think I'd prefer Ian. For real.
	Tanner – 15 +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for a brilliant poem about Kaitlyn not knowing who he was. Important Info: Also a highly insightful poem....