Weeks 7 and 8, The Scores

So first of all, one incredibly important message for Ben: Fair rides should scare you, man. They are terrifying.

	Amanda – 70 Eliminated +20 for a date rose +10 for kissing in a group setting +5 for kissing on a one-on-one +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness +5 for cryng Bonus: +15 for gamely playing along with the absolutely shameless McDonald's product placement.  Important Info: I have lots of important thoughts about Amanda this week, so let's not hold back!   1) There's a reason that Lady and the Tramp shared noodles and not a french fry. The dampness of one's mouth doesn't compromise the textural integrity of spaghetti so it's not that gross (If you limit your focus to the relatively narrow world of things that have been in other people's mouths where it falls after the tongues of those you find attractive and oxygen tank mouthpieces in the midst of a shipwreck. If you look more globally it's much, much further down the "not that gross" list). But a french fry gets soggy quickly, so rather than a romantic "Bella Notte" as envisioned by Walt Disney himself, you quickly go down the path to a baby bird regurgitation scenario. And I don't think that's on anyone's list as a necessary precursor to a hometown date. 2) There are plenty of signs that Ben is not ready to have kids, but I'm not sure any of them were quite as blatant as his tight and tiny swim trunks. I know the editors wanted to make us think it was the crying that was wearing on Ben's last nerve, but after a day of sand and chasing in those things, if feels like some pretty wicked chafing probably came into play. 3) Amanda hasn't exactly been at the top of my list this season in terms of contestants that I love. And I will remain staunchly devoted to hoping that she doesn't find herself in paradise this summer where it becomes much harder to claim that you're doing it for your kids. That being said when she was making her departure, the death stare she was shooting Ben all while saying extremely classy and sympathetic things was almost enough to make me cherish her the way that Ben hopes that someday some man who is very much not him will.
	Becca - 15 Eliminated +5 for crying Bonus: +10 for being pissed Ben didn't send her home before the rose ceremony. On the one hand, he probably did have a pretty good idea that this was going to happen after the 3-on-1 date. On the other hand...that is literally the central conceit of the entire show that you signed up to be on...for a second time. Important Info: I will give credit to Becca, however, for her comment that "her family matters too." I get that she doesn't have kids so it's really the same as it is for Amanda, but every year on this very date the bachelor/bachelorette makes some sort of speech about the importance of one contestant's hometown above all others and it always plays as hurtful and unnecessary. Although somewhere in California, I'm sure Becca's family is thrilled. After all, they trotted out the hospitality carpet for Chris, cooked the man an entire meal of food, and look where that got them!
	Caila – 65 +10 (5 x 2) for two roses +30 (15 x 2) for Ben commenting on her attractiveness twice +10 (5 x 2) for crying twice +5 for kissing on a one-on-one Bonus: +10 for comparing Emily to a puppy. Mighty condescending given that Caila is a wizened 24 years old to Emily's eager 23. But I guess for dogs that is a difference of 7 years... Important Info: Also a lot of thoughts about Caila: 1) Last week Caila said she was "Moss looking for a tree to grow on." Which saddens me. Because come on girl. Be another tree! 2) I'm really confused by Caila's family. On the one hand, she said that she moved 17 times before college, but on the other hand...her Dad is the CEO of a toy company? I need to know more about this, especially since the man wasn't exactly giving off the secret spy vibe (or the non-secret spy vibe...which I guess would just be the vibe of a really bad spy?) 3) Although maybe he is sme sort of criminal mastermind. He must have something over his workers to get them to clap with enthusiasm as his daughter gets carried through the factory by some random man, right? 4) And finally, on an unrelated note...can we all go ahead and agree that Ben's keeping Caila around because she's the girl he wants to get into the fantasy suite?
	Emily – 35 Eliminated +5 for crying Bonus: +15 for making Ben's mom cry +15 for enduring the unprecedented indignity of having to tell the other girls about her unceremonious dumping Important Info: So...I've never tried to be an NFL cheerleader before (for so, so many reasons including but not limited to a preference for mean-spirited taunting rather than upbeat cheering; a lack of mastery of the hair flip; calves not suited to white, leather boots; a deep seated pom-pom phobia), but then again, I'm also not a hot blonde twin for whom it doesn't seem like it should be all that hard....I mean, I don't want to begrudge Emily anything. She seems like a very nice girl and she should absolutely aim for her dreams. But then, I'd say, maybe...aim just a little bit higher...?
	Jo Jo – 80 +10 (5 x 2) for two roses +10 for being called the perfect person for the date she is on +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness +10 (5 x 2) for kissing on two one-on-ones +10 (5 x 2) for crying twice Bonus: +25 for the emergence of her ex-boyfriend and her weird staged reaction to something that I am sure she had already read (and, who are we kidding, called and micro-analyzed with her four closest friends) Important Info: Some thoughts on Jo Jo: 1) Jo Jo's ex-boyfriend "now knows what love is because [Jo Jo] showed him what love is." Which is great for Chad. Don't get me wrong. Real emotional growth, but...do we think he might have been more successful if he had stolen less of his speech from Foreigner? 2) Jo Jo's brothers (or as they shall henceforth be known: hot Adrian Brody and Not At All Unattractive Other Brother - which, seriously, can we see photos of Jo Jo's parents from when they were younger? Because they clearly did some impressive genetic work here) made some extremely valid points, including:    a) How can you fall in love with someone with whom you've only been on two dates? (Do we think Chad could help clarify what with all of his power-ballad-derived knowledge? Could it maybe have something to do with seeing love shine through some measure of clouds? Or climbing a mountain? Chad, please help!)    b) Ben might not be as into Jo Jo as she is into him given that his attempt to reassure her brothers as to his feelings included reference to all the time they have left to have conversations. Which might be a valid part of a book pitch for a sequel to Tuesdays with Morrie, but doesn't exactly sound like deep meaningful love. Not to mention when her brothers tried to give him an out by suggesting he wasn't allowed to say certain things, he denied it. This could come down to him not being very clever, but...I can see why they were somewhat less than convinced.    c) The Bachelor process is 100% set up to brainwash the contestants into falling in love. Yes, Not At All Unattractive Other Brother. Well noted. Let me know if you are available to guest blog. 3) Ben noted that he felt like Jo Jo's family was talking about him behind his back. This confused me because I'm pretty sure what was actually caught on film was him and the family talking behind Jo Jo's back.
	Lauren B. – 65 +10 (5 x 2) for two roses +10 (5 x 2) for kissing on two one-on-ones +5 for crying +15 for Ben commenting on her attractiveness Bonus: +15 for being forced to re-enact Ben's first kiss...which, it should go without saying, happened with a completely non-Lauren B. person +10 for Lauren's sister making Ben cry Important Info: Aaaaand just a few notes about Lauren B.: 1) This week, Lauren B. put up with a weird grilled cheese airplane thing. Not sure if that means she's a keeper, but then again, equally unsure about Ben 2) I actually buy Lauren's statement that Ben will make a great Dad...to a point. Because while he may be great while their kids are young, Lauren's brothers proved that he needs a little bit of work on his awkward prepubescent sex talk preparation. 3) So, Caila is the one with whom Ben has the "deepest" relationship and Jo Jo is the one with whom Ben can be himself. And yet, despite his lack of canned description, it seems to me like Lauren B. is the one he wants to be with