Week 6, The Confusion

So I completely realize that this show isn't a documentary or some sort of live feed of Pandas at the national zoo (although wouldn't we all be considerably happier if it were? Maybe even better?) and that every year, you're going to get a few contestants with particularly harsh or extraordinarily generous edits. And I'm totally okay with that. I don't need to see the humanity behind the villain or the cattiness behind the princess (not that I think the editors cattiness-meters are so carefully calibrated after all these years. Just because Amanda was the one to drop that sweet, silver comment about Lauren H. never coming back doesn't mean that it's not Civil War-era bitchery), but this year, it seems sort of like the person who they are editing to fit their narrative may, in fact, be Ben. And it's leading to a number of "What the #$&@ just happened?" moments. For example, things that confused me this week:

A portrait of Ben. 

Caila: Oh, women! I legitimately believe that is what we were supposed to think this week as we watched Caila stumble through an explanation of how she is falling in love with Ben, yet she fears she can't ever be fully in love, and is scared to break his heart. I think we were supposed to titter at how confusing she was and then marvel at patient, kind, good Ben who is willing to put in the work. But the thing is, Caila wasn't really all that confusing. In fact I can explain her in two words: She's 24. (Is it cheating that one of the words was a contraction? Do you think Ben is judging me? I'm just really complicated in the way that I sometimes count words, you guys). What was confusing was what Ben wanted from her. He said he was worried that he was only getting to know her on the surface because she was happy all the time and hadn't cried with him. And then he decided he did know the real Caila because she really put herself out there by...saying nice things about him. The power dynamic on this show is always pretty messed up, but Ben is sending mixed signals about what exactly he wants. Does he want the women to be serious and deep or does he just want them to be really, really into him? Because as hard as it is to believe, those are not the same thing. Because being really into Ben takes the same emotional depth as liking noodles with butter sauce. Because it seems unfair to expect anyone to talk about her cousin's complicity in a grim series of goldfish suicides in the same breath that she is telling you how amazing you are.

Lauren B.: So, this is probably where the editors most notably failed us. Clearly, throughout that date, something was going on with Lauren B. and Ben. The girls weren't getting all bent out of shape because of the cannibalistic pigs (also just known as pigs) or because Ben brought them to the Bahamas during the height of monsoon season. There was some hard core flirting or canoodling or perhaps light fondling going on visible to the other women but not present on our TV screens. And after a season of the Queen of All Thing subtle, Kaitlyn, I suppose it makes sense that the producers would want to be sure that Ben played his cards a little bit closer to the vest, but...it just seems like they might want to invest some time in energy in coming up with a better story than "things were weird." I suspect that things were actually jealousy and hurt feelings and Ben being sort of a dick, but it is hard to actually discern when they devote more time to the developing relationships between these women and farm animals on screen than they do to that of equally domesticated creature, Ben.


Emily and Olivia: Yeah, okay. So there really wasn't all that much confusion on this date. In fact, pretty much everything about the dreaded 2-on-1 took a page right out of the generic Bachelor playbook. Two ladies that hate each other? Check. One who's really confident and one who's filled with doubt? Check. Stranding someone on a deserted island? Check. Prohibiting anyone from bringing a book even though they will clearly have to spend extended periods of time by themselves, staring off into the middle distance? Probably check. (I cannot confirm with 100% certainty that sneaking deep intellectual things along on dates under her jorts isn't also Olivia's jam). The only thing that troubles me a little is...if someone tells you she loves you and you know you're not into it...are there really circumstances under which making out with her is the appropriate option?

Leah: Apparently there's a girl named Leah on this show?  Which leads us to....

Jo Jo: Okay, okay. As much as I am loath to violate my 50 word maximum on Leah, I'll see if I can do a little bit better than that.

Leah: So I think we can all probably agree that Leah came off looking like a bit of a crazy person. She came on the show, had virtually no connection with Ben (which I think we can all solidly attribute to her failure to say something along the lines of "I just feel so vulnerable with you Ben. I suspect it's because you're just oh so very witty and understanding and attractive"), and then went out of her way to go off half-cocked on Lauren B. even seeking the first ever jealousy-fueled unsanctioned midnight visit. The producers would like you to believe that she manipulated an easily-confused Ben, lied to Lauren B.'s face and ostensibly did it all as a result of not having said enough bitchy things about Olivia to merit a 2-on-1 date. And maybe there isn't anything more to it than that. Maybe she's just acting like a crazy, irrational girl. Or maybe she's acting like a girl who got punched in the face. Remember from the Week 1 "Coming Up" montage Leah's mysterious black eye? Does anyone know for a fact that Lauren B. didn't punch her in the face? Obviously, sudden outbursts of violence wouldn't fit the frontrunner's narrative, but...are we really just expected to act like this was never a thing? Don't they know we have an Olivia-shaped villain hole in our hearts?

Jo Jo: What is most confusing about Jo Jo is that she is a brunette. And let's be real. Ben has a type.