Week 6, The Scores

Since this episode was all about honesty and the foundation on which all lasting relationships must be built, I just wanted to say, I trust you all. Now can you please submit a urine sample, just cause, you know, it seems like it might be fun? One more week until hometowns when Andi gets to decide who else she'd like to treat as poorly as Cody. This week we learned that Andi has never tried so hard at anything in her life, a fact for which I'm sure any gang member she's ever failed to put behind bars thanks her. We also learned that, while Venice may be one of the most beautiful and romantic places on earth, it's still pretty much impossible to find three different activities to do there, leaving lie detector tests as the only natural choice for the remainder of the program. I know that the men aren't actually confined to the hotel room while Andi is off on other dates (although, the show weirdly make it seem like that - like there's a burly security guard posted outside their date ensuring that they don't accidentally absorb any culture and preventing them from ordering anything outside of a cheeseburger and pizza from room service. His name is almost definitely Jonesie and he only has two more seasons to go before he gets his pension. Bad news, Jonesie - you're going to have make it through Bachelor in Paradise without contracting some sort of air-born STD/being murdered in your sleep by the overloaded craziness combo of Clare and AshLee). Let's see how many lies I have to tell to convince you of my love for this episode.

	Brian – 25 Important Info: Brian pretty much got straight up lawyered by Andi during his fake lie detector test, and he's lucky that the whole thing clearly left Andi feeling pretty smitten because otherwise it seems like she couldn't have possibly have failed to notice that he 100% ripped that poem off from Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You. +10 for "writing" Andi a poem +10 for kissing in a group setting +5 for a rose
	Chris – 60 Important Info: If I had the power to save one man from this taking part in this year's installation of this miserable franchise, it would decidedly be Chris. Chris, as seen on TV, seems reasonable and caring and sweet. Is it any wonder I'm having an impossible time writing words about him? +10 for kissing on a group date +20 for a group rose Bonus: +30 for revealing he is the secret admirer
	Cody – 45 Eliminated Important Info: If Cody felt like the pet dog of the group it's clearly just because he had a shocking sense of self-awareness. Andi isn't the perfect Bachelorette. She plays the "poor me" card a bit too much when she has to send guys packing; she reverts to the same stock conversations that have populated Bachelor footage since the dawn of time (though naturally, at the dawn of time, there were a few more evolutionary clues as to which organism a girl should ultimately select and a bit more of an emphasis on asexual reproduction in the fantasy suite), and she inexplicably seems to like Nick even though there's no discernible reason why she possibly would. But Andi's treatment of Cody was the first thing she has done this season that was truly just kind of icky. I'm not saying that she's the first girl who's ever kept a guy on the hook knowing full well she preferred his romantic attentions unspoken and unrequited. But the way she raved about his green eyes, made him read a rather obviously targeted letter clearly penned by one of the interns waiting just off camera in the wings, and then waited until halfway through his speech about how much he loved her before acting like there was anything amiss. And then to top it all off she made it seem like he was stupid for feeling a connection where clearly one could never exist. Obviously, I know that producers sometimes play a role in these sorts of decisions and that they might have had a hand in keeping Cody around after last week's tussle with Nick, but someone needs to tell Andi that she can only have a puppy if she promises to take care of it. And she 100% did not take care of Cody. +10 for being called the perfect person for his date...I assume because he is literate +5 for crying +10 for writing Andi a letter +10 for referencing his connection with Andi - sadly erroneously Bonus: +10 for having Andi really go out of her way not to comment on his attractiveness
	Dylan – 10 Important Info: Dylan's tummy hurts! +5 for a rose Bonus: +5 for admitting he doesn't wash his hands. Seriously, if Andi thinks that level of honesty is necessary for relationship bliss, then I'm afraid none of us can help her.
	J.J. – 25 Eliminated Important Info: So...what the hell happened with all of this? I have to be honest, I was 100% convinced that Dylan was going home after he bowed out of the group date and also wasn't Josh, Nick, Brian, Marcus, or J.J. If Vegas made odds on programs such as this (and they don't because apparently this woman's quest for love is literally less worthy of betting than watching small, hairless dogs that require sweaters to brave the elements run around in circles), they would have been 100:1 against J.J. going home (I guess - I don't really understand how love works). I would actually really like to know what happened to take J.J. from making Andi feel the special-est last week to seeing him barred from Brussel's bliss only seven short days later. If I was forced to guess I would say his unconventional manliness finally ran up against Andi's Southern upbringing, but since I can't see anyone coming for me with a night stick in hand, demanding an explanation for a program on which internet rumors abound, I shall eat myself a donut instead. +10 for kissing in a group setting Bonus: +15 for his general petulance over Chris getting the date rose. Don't get me wrong - I understand the premise of the show, but....how can you not be rooting for Chris? What's wrong with you!
	Josh – 20 Important Info: Look, Josh was justifiably pissed about being forced to submit to a lie detector test which was a very weird thing to have to do and a waste of a perfectly good country. That being said, does anyone actually think Andi plans the dates? I'm mean, she ripped up the results - what else could she possibly do? +5 for a rose Bonus: +15 for throwing a tantrum
	Marcus – 25 Important Info:  Dear Marcus,   If you don't have anything interesting to say, perhaps don't say anything at all?   Thanks every so much, Megan P.S. The thirteenth derivation of the extent to which you are currently or will soon be in love with Andi in no ways qualifies as interesting. +10 for kissing in a group date setting +5 for a rose Bonus: +10 for ex post facto threatening to leave. Just another flavor of Marcus' continued weak sauce.
	Nick V. – 80 Important Info: Nick is yet another in a long line of Bachelor villains who, as far as I can tell, hasn't actually done anything that is all that bad. Does he have a smug, punchable face? Certainly! But that's not really his fault - he and his DNA really only have one way communication. Nick's a little bit smarmy and he's certainly ridden his skepticism about the Bachelorette process all the way to the top, but, let's face it, his biggest crime is clearly wasting our time dealing with the dullest form of drama when we should be finding about J.J.'s secret furry fetish that got him sent packing instead of Dylan.  +5 for kissing on a one-on-one +15 for having Andi comment on his attractiveness +15 for saying he's falling in love +10 for making his date into a metaphor +10 for kissing in a group setting +20 for a date rose Bonus: +5 for stealing Andi away before others WITHOUT ROSES have a chance