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Andrew – 30
Important Info: So, Andrew's a dick, right? I mean, I don't really care about the whole getting the hostess's number. He's dating a girl who's literally seeing 20 other dudes - I feel like one set of digits can be excused and the way that J.J. waited a week (which I initially, Freudian-ly typed as "weak") and then essentially called in his big brother Josh was pretty weak sauce. That being said, his reaction to their attack which include the line, "I like to give people the beenfit of the doubt and I don't worry if you're a dork or an asshole or nerdy," left me feeling every bit as certain that he's not the most delightful of men as I am about his inability to correctly enact the phrase "benefit of the doubt."
+10 for questioning if Nick is there for the right reasons
+10 for 2 roses Bonus: +20 for getting someone's number |
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Bradley – 25
Eliminated
Important Info: Bradley is basically a caricature of the preppy villain from every National Lampoon villain ever and yet, I feel he is gone from us too soon. Will I miss his constant, aggressive opera singing and his smug, insufferable face? No, but during his exit interview, Bradley said he "loved to be loved" and I feel like, in time, he was really the kind of guy who I could have loved to hate.
+25 for plugging his career harder than any career has ever been plugged
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Brett – 0
Eliminated
Important Info: Not the way I would have chosen for you to go out buddy. Surely, Brett must have engaged in some sort of ukulele- playing or homemade pickling that simply happened off-screen.
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Brian – 50
Important Info: Okay, I have to say, when it comes to Brian, I get it. It is undeniably attractive to watch men do things that they excel at (unless you're a creationist - because it really is Charles Darwin backing this theory up) and Brian not only got to do that this week, he did it while generally being adorable.
+15 for Andi commenting on his attractiveness (a lot)
+10 for kissing in a group date setting +5 for a rose +20 for a date rose |
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Chris – 10
Important Info: Too bad she's already married, because otherwise I'd be all about setting Chris up with Renee. How cute was it to watch him play Den mom to poor, devastated Dylan (and how much more appropriate was his reaction than Andi's). In my head, I've decided that he had a private word with Andi in the first of the week's episodes to ensure that Dylan got himself a one-on-one date in the second (especially since, let's be real. Andi's just not that perceptive). He's totally going to get pushed out by his flashier, more demonstrative peers, but I'm a pretty big fan
+10 for 2 date roses |
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Cody – 25
Important Info: It's hard to remember the first time I played a prank on my husband. It might have been the time I told him I lived with my parents, or the time I hid haddock with the spare tire in teh trunk of his car. Or perhaps it was the time I covered him in body glitter as he slept then woke him up by waving a tassled bra in his face and screeching about a stripper. Except for that I didn't do any of those things because that would be super crazy. It might be nice that Andi's thinking about him as Cody claimed, but I guarantee those thoughts aren't trending toward the romantic.
+10 for having Andi pull a prank on him +10 for 2 roses Bonus: +5 for saying, "Whatever happens, this is an awesome experience." Seriously Cody, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. That's basically what people say to their bunkmate on the verge of going into battle. |
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Dylan – 60
Important Info: Poor Dylan. It was inarguably an ill-timed, cringingly explained pity rose. And it's just so blatantly clear that Dylan's not going to be the man left standing at the end. While it's hard to imagine a graceful way in which Andi could have sent him packing, it's basically a cruelty to keep him from the women of Boston who, I assure you, are clamoring to mother him slash run their fingers through his greasy, greasy hair.
+5 for a rose
+5 for crying +30 for all of the personal tragedy in the world +20 for a date rose |
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Eric – 125
Eliminated-ish Important Info: Can we just say he was right and she was wrong and move on? One of my favorite former students once angrily yelled "I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS" across a crowded cafeteria. Andi said, "I respect your openness" in the exact same way.
+5 for a rose
+10 for revealing he was raised Mormon which isn't a tragedy per se, but seriously, what is with all the Mormon's on this show? +100 for being kicked off the show outside of game play Bonus: +10 for calling Andi a TV actress. That was amazing. And I'm sure very, very true |
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J.J. – 95
Important Info: So, yes, portions of JJ and Andi's old age makeup date were pretty darling. Despite the fact that they clearly aged Andi considerably less, JJ really did make the best out of what was inarguably an aggressive and weird first date. That being said, he loses a substantial percentage of the points for then acting like the purpose of the date was to go out and confuse people, as if the sight of old people in the park, nay, in any public location is somehow inherently confusing.
+10 for being called perfect for the date he was on
+5 for date kissing +10 for revealing he used to be picked on and that really bizarrely that he and his ex-girlfriend used to be super competitive with each other +15 for Andi commenting on his attractiveness +20 for a date rose +15 for tattling on Andrew...sort of...to Josh... +5 for a rose Bonus: +5 for giving Andi a Werther's. Which was amazing. |
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Josh – 55
Important Info: I'm weirdly in alignment with Andi on this one. There really is something about Josh. His terrible underarm tattoos, his solo post-loss solemn reflection, and the fact that he had anything complimentary to say about high heel sneakers should all be red flags (as should his use of the phrase "grown-ass man." My husband uses that all the time, but it's generally after I've made him do something like hunt for Easter Eggs or practice our West African Tupperware drumming - not generally in the midst of an altercation), and yet somehow, something about Josh M. is working for me and I can see him hanging in there until the very end.
+10 for questioning whether Andrew is there for the right reasons
+10 for being upset about not getting a one-on-one +10 for kissing in a group setting +20 for a date rose +5 for a rose |
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Marcus – 70
Important Info: After Nick took an early lead, Marcus has inched him out as front runner for the guy who cares a little too much a little too early. The fact that Andi didn't cring and say "too soon, too soon" is a clear sign that she's pretty into him (also a clear sign - the fact that she didn't punch him when he said "I'm more scared that you. I promise." Because a) How could he possibly know that? Is he in on some sort of Monsters, Inc. style sceme where he's mastered how to bottle and/or quantify fear. If so, when do we get to hear him reveal that secret. Surely, it can't wait for hometowns, and b) That is just not a helpful thing to say at all unless you are a wild animal or otherwise the source of that fear).
+10 for complaining about not getting a one-on-one
+5 for a rose +15 for saying he is falling in love with Andi, especially since too soon, too soon, too soon! +10 for facing a fear +10 for being treated to a concert of someone I've never heard of before. +20 for a date rose |
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Marquel – 20
Important Info: It's way too early in the season to make such predictions, but if the season ended tomorrow, Marquel would be my front runner to be the next Bachelor. He's charismatic, he seems to be a delightful conversationalist, and he's a really refreshing mix of manly and feminine (give that none of those descriptors were "so mind-numbingly boring that I am forced to compose a limerick about distinguishing portions of his anatomy to keep from totally tun out," I'm pretty sure the ABC producers have already rejected that idea out of hand). +10 for kissing in a group date setting
+10 for 2 roses
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Nick V. – 45
Important Info: Nick knows how to play the Game (not the game of basketball, obviously, as he made about 14 football references while trying to talk smack during the group date). From bringing up his "schoolboy crush" to ordering flowers for the cocktail party to a secret admirer note that just had to have been from him, Nick could pretty much teach a master class in how to take things to the next level and it is working for him despite his increasingly punchable face.
+5 for kissing on a date
+20 for a date rose +10 for kissing in a group setting +5 for a rose Bonus: +5 for sending flowers to the cocktail party - seriously, why hasn't anyone ever done that before? |
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Patrick – 10
Important Info: Patrick is a person who is ostensibly still on this show. That is all.
+10 for 2 roses
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Ron – 50
Left the Show
Important Info: If Nick could teach a master class on how to hang around on this show, then Ron could teach a master class on how to leave it. Personal tragedy is this show's bread and butter, and I have all the respect in the world for the fact that Ron didn't try to parlay his friend's death into extra time on film. It's disgusting that I even had to write that as that should probably just be the baseline level of human decency, but in years past, this occurrence would have almost certainly resulted in a series of interviews and an "urgent" conversation with the Bachelor/Bachelorette. And Ron paid far better tribute to his friend's memory by avoiding cameras until he could quietly sneak out the back.
+50 for leaving the show
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Tasos – 5
Eliminated
Important Info: I don't really have anything to say about Tasos this week. But it's cool. It was made pretty clear that he's not really worthy of our attentions anyway.
+5 for a rose
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