Week 7, The Diversity

So, I'm just gonna go ahead and begin this week's coverage with a rant. Maybe it's because I took the ill-advised approach of watching the episode directly on the heels of our World Cup loss to Belgium and couldn't fully appreciate Brussels' beauty; maybe it's because this week's episode was about as predictable as the outcome of a standard game of peekaboo; maybe I've just reached my saturation of the pouty, simpering face Andi makes after her shameless fishing for declarations of love pays dividends, but I think more than that, it's the program's continued white washing of anything even approaching diversity.

This disappointed face is equally as
applicable to Andi as it is to missing the
game winner.

Look, when Andi was selected as the next Bachelorette and people began to dance the proverbial Hora, I didn't exactly rejoice because at long last they had chosen a woman I could see myself in. because frankly, I'm just not that Jewish. I wasn't bat mitzvah'ed or married under a chuppah and I've, in fact, had to google the proper spelling of each of the Hebrew words tat appear in this post. But even for a girl like me, even for someone that spent 14 years in Episcopalian school and even more years eating bacon (not, like, constantly or anything - I sometimes take a break to go to work), the treatment of Andi's faith has rankled.

It's not so much that, despite her own affiliations, there seem to be no Jewish men amongst her suitors. I feel pretty confident that they at least cleared that with Andi before forcing these gentlemen to vie for her hand and my own husband looks like a walking Hitler Youth poster, so who am I to complain. But in last night's episode, we saw Andi and Josh light a candle in a church; we witnessed as she upheld the sanctity of a monastery; and even more galling, we watched her continue not to have the conversation about marital faith, how their children will be raised, whether or not they'll have a Christmas tree (so, you know, just the important things).

Okay...seductive widows of a certain age plus Morticia Addams

It's entirely possible that these scenes are captured in a heap of sensible life planning on the cutting room floor, but in an episode where they've let us see Andi as Demi Moore from ghost (which, actually I'm totally buying - and Chris as Patrick Swayze is also not too far of a stretch. You have to think that was some producer inside joke -  otherwise that was just too random), and as a seductive widow of a certain age (the only appropriate demographic for a black, long-sleeved sequined dress), I just wish they would also let us see her as a Jew.

Almost Halfway Into This Season’s 'Journey' – WWJD?

If you’re like me and you feel like we’re already halfway through the season of the Bachelorette even though we’ve only seen four episodes (how is that possible? What with all the personal angst, drama and lack of any major eye candy to drool over, it feels like it’s dragged on forever), imagine how Andi feels.  Oh wait, we already know – she told us she’s ‘exhausted’ in the last episode.

To get us all through to the end, I think we need a mood booster – yes, a mood booster, courtesy of Bachelorette alumni, Jen Scheftt. How, you ask? Well, I was the lucky recipient of Jen’s book, Better Single Than Sorry (c. 2007) for my birthday this year from our fine commissioner, Megan. Such a gift could not have been bestowed on a more enthusiastic recipient!

Among the 20 chapters (plus Five Parts, plus Epilogue) of advice Jen offers are interstitial “Mood Boosters” to help ‘keep a pep in your step’ (as Patti Stranger would say) during the dating game of life. It sounds like Andi has reached the point where she’s starting to question some of the guys’ motives and examine them all more closely (or, at least, more closely with her tongue). I’m all for purging when needed and separating the wheat from the chaff, and so is Jen. In fact, Andi could look to Jen’s “Funny Reasons Women Have Been Turned Off by a Man” (p. 157) for reasons to axe more of the guys, because why should she settle for less? These include:

“He left voice mails in different accents.”

“He signed every email with ‘Peace in the Middle East.’”

“He had way too much cover up on a pimple.”

“He wore a blousy leather jacket with an elastic waistband.”

“We went to see Star Trek: The Next Generation, and he pumped his fists in the air in excitement when the Starship Enterprise went across the screen.” (Note: Oh come on. I would be the same way about Darth Vader in a Star Wars movie.)

“His hair smelled like bad cheese.”

“He spoke these words: 'My biggest passion in life is being a thespian'."

“He wore high-tops.” (Note: Depending on how you wear these, I don't necessarily consider this a deal breaker. For instance, Alexander Skarsgard can wear high tops any time he damn well wants to. He can wear an electric blue wig, hula skirt and sparkly purple pasties for all I care, and I would still want to get me some of that. Alex – call me). 

Andi, if any of these guys start taking you to Trekkie conventions, speaking with Klingon accents, wearing blousy leather jackets and using cheese in their daily hair routines, you know what to do. But leave Alexander Skarsgard (in all his high-topped glory) to ME.