Weeks 7 and 8: The Scores

Man, this show has been rough. And with no obvious candidate for the next Bachelor, it might be hard to redeem much of anything next year (Though I secretly do want to see a flock of 25 women uncertainly hemming and hawing over the highly desirable night one choices of Nick and Joe, I doubt the ABC team is going to be eager to try that little stunt again what with the less than impressive results it yielded). After this week's exceedingly classy departure, I assume we'll be treated to a Ben of some sort, and, while it won't even come close to the disaster-in-decision-making that is Kaitlyn, they are going to have to recruit him some uber-crazies to eke out even a hint of interest out of a season following the nice, normal, seemingly unlikely to be poised to give us hours of footage of him showering with his shirt off Ben H. The good news is, though, we've reached the penultimate episode of our fantasy season, and are about to head into a division playoff to rival all division playoffs with what is sure to be an incredibly messy Men Tell All next week.

	Ben H. – 95 Eliminated +5 for a rose +15 for saying he is falling in love +10 (5 x 2) for kissing on a one-on-one +25 for accepting an invitation to the fantasy suite +10 for crying Bonus: +15 for saying Kaitlyn "changed" him (and I think we can all be on the lookout for a repeat of that next week!) +10 for getting asked on national television if he was a virgin +5 for saying that he "likes to walk around and think about vikings." I suppose technically there was context but...who doesn't, Ben H.? Who doesn't? Important Info: My husband half watched the fantasy suite episode with me and contributing his traditional line of the season after one of Kaitlyn's monologues about the wonders that is Ben. She called him perfect, and husband material, and possibly something along the lines of "the romantic holy grail," and Jason responded with "Yes, but she doesn't know he has a secret pact with the horses to make himself look good."
	Jared – 20 Eliminated +10 for crying +10 for making Kaitlyn cry Important Info: I actually didn't see this one coming. I thought Jared was going to be the place filler instead of Ben H. after all the hours they logged dry humping on hotel beds. What probably stings even more is that Ben totally outclassed him on their departures. Ben sees your offer of a coat, Jared, and raises you a "you look great tonight." That's why he'll be seeing everyone next season on the Bachelor while you will be forced to start social media stalking Britt.
	Joe – 45 Eliminated +10 kissing in a group date setting +25 getting kicked off mid-group date Bonus: +10 for telling Shawn he has lipstick on his face Important Info: Poor Joe. It was no secret that his departure was coming like a freight train, but obviously this inevitable result was at least hidden from him. The tantrum he threw was the pure emotion you rarely see on this show...because most people have the sense not to want to appear in such an unflattering light. In an uncomfortable season, the 10 minutes of Joe saying perfectly reasonable things in a hugely unreasonable tone of voice, were some of the least comfortable we got. And more than being sad to see him go, I'm sad to see him go like that after being nothing but a delight throughout this whole show.
	Nick – 105 +10 (5 x 2) for two roses +10 (5 x 2) for kissing in two one-on-one settings +15 for telling Kaitlyn he's falling in love with her +30 for tattling on Shawn +25 for accepting an invitation to the fantasy suite Bonus: +15 for making his entire family cry with what, again, must be regarded as exceptionally poor decision-making. Important Info: Like, I imagine, absolutely everyone, I am exceptionally sick of the ongoing saga of Shawn and Nick. So all I really have to say about him this week is...his parents met in a church? No wonder he has SO MANY siblings!
	Shawn – 155 +10 (5 x 2) for two roses +10 (5 x 2) for kissing in two one-on-one settings +25 for accepting an invitation to the fantasy suite +10 for referencing his connection with Kaitlyn +20 for intentional nudity +5 for verbal fighting +10 for questioning if Nick is there for the right reasons Bonus: +30 for accepting Kaitlyn's self-tattling and somehow moving past it. My guess is his acceptance is less than permanent. +20 for unsanctioned mid-rose ceremony conversation +5 for saying he was "so tense he couldn't even piss" +10 for what was easily the most hilarious underwear in show history. We've all been there. Though how was he not SO sweaty?This is why I usually default to swimswuits.